HOLY SHIT! I better get on this. I mean: look at those gleaming buildings. They’re gleaming. Do your buildings gleam like that? If not, you need this game.
To recap: they’re trying to get me to shell out another $39 to buy the exact same game I already own, only this one is Black! It’s the same logic used to get people to buy new iPods and MacBooks. It’s the same iPod you already have but… wait for it… IT’S A DIFFERENT COLOUR. Never mind that the first thing you do after getting a new iPod is buy a case for it, so you’ll forget what colour it is within days, if not hours.
Is it sad that I’m still talking about iPods when iPads are the new thing, or is it sad that there is a new thing, which is essentially the same as the old thing, only bigger, when the old thing was the “thing” because it was so small. Then they made the iPod Nano, which was even smaller. Then they gave up on that and made the iPod Touch, which was the same as the iPod, but you could touch it, unlike girls in high school. Then they made the iPod Touch into the iPhone, which was the same, but it was a phone. Then they made the iPhone into the iPad, which is the same as the iPhone, only it’s not a phone. So to recap: they killed record stores by getting everyone to go digital, then they decided you shouldn’t even listen to music at all, because music is for wannabe hipsters. They’re doing the same to books now. They going to get you to throw out all the books you own and buy them all again for your iPad, then move on the the next thing. What’s that you say, your iPad needs a new battery? You’re still using an iPad? L-o-s-e-r. Everyone has the iPot now. It’s exactly what it sounds like. What’s that, you still want to read books? TOO BAD, WE GOT RID OF THEM ALL! WESTERN CIVILIZATION IS DEAD!
But I digress. Seriously, every Pokemon game they’ve made in 20 years is the same. Plus their ingenious marketing scheme has always been to release two identical games simultaneously, but give them different colours, then try to scam you into buying both by holding Pokemon hostage. You want to catch them all? You can’t unless you get both copies of the game. You could always try to trade someone online for the Pokemon you’re missing. Want a Level 1 Snorlax? Give me a Level 100 Zerkom. That is how Pokemon trading works: unreasonable 9 year olds cheating pathetic college seniors. You think your friend who owns the other copy of Pokemon will give over his exclusive Pokemon without screwing you over in the process?
Citing the breathtaking architecture worthy of an SNES Mario Paint background as the reason to buy a product isn’t very convincing. We’re dealing with Next-Gen systems right now. The freakin’ new DS is in no glasses 3-D, and they’re pushing their 8-Bit crap on us without any irony. Look at those buildings. There’s like four colours in each building. You think that comes cheap? Some poor Chinese kid had to slave for weeks programming that building, and now he’s in the pit with the rest of his political dissenters. Notice how nothing is to scale. Your sprite could barely fit through that door. It’s like a dog house for people, but, “Black City is efficient. I like that in a place!” Also, property values are low, because it’s called, “Black City,” if you catch my drift. It sounds like a Spike Lee movie title. I’ve never seen a place I’d like to visit less, and I’ve seen Hell (in the eyes of a puppy dog).
Has anyone ever really caught them all? I mean really? It would require countless hours, multiple games and multiple game systems, and being Japanese, all for the sake of having a poorly animated monsters with all of four attacks. Your Great-Grandma has more than four attacks, and she’s dead (I can attest to this). Plus, there’d be a new game in a year or two, with two copies, that you have to buy both of.
Of course, maybe I’m just looking at this objectively because I’m not 10. That could be the main problem.
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