90’s Recall

LiveJournal Tags: jeans,90's

Remember back in the 90’s when there was a resurgence in the popularity of jeans? Pepridge Farms remembers.
I was remembering how there used to be all these different fashion options back then, most of them terrible. Bellbottoms briefly made a comeback with the ladies, and quite frankly it wasn’t that bad, especially if the girl in question had a ghetto booty on her. With grunge, people were tearing new holes into their perfectly good jeans, until someone came up with the idea of selling them at retail in a pre-ripped style. The person who came up with that idea made a million goddamn dollars by taking a $10 pair of jeans, cutting them up, and selling them back at $50 a pop. Worse still were the acid wash jeans. That was a terrible idea from start to finish. Not content with faded colours, someone decided they needed to be chemically treated. The result was an eyesore that, much like the sun, no one wanted to look at. Seriously, the only thing that went with the acid wash jeans was a baggy white T-shirt and high top sneaks with the laces not laced properly. That was the early 90’s in a nutshell. Then there were button-fly jeans. Zippers were somehow too accommodating, so people decided they needed to keep their junk buttoned up. Not that bad of an idea, especially for anyone who’s ever got caught in their own zippers. Problem is: the Americans who bought these jeans also bought cheeseburgers. The two don’t mix. As they got fatter, their bulge began to bulge in ways it was no meant to. Buttons would come unbuttoned, or unbuttonable, and the result was a peek at their new-fangled thongs (thongs being the greatest fashion article invented in the 90’s).
Baggy jeans and low-riders ended up the century. Unfortunately, these articles of clothing were adopted by Wiggers, when they were better suited for hot chicks. I can remember girls walking around my high school with their low riders on, and the knots for their G-Strings sticking up out the sides, so all you had to do was just reach out and pull on this little string and their undies come off without ever touching their pants. That was SEXY AS HELL. You know what wasn’t sexy? All those wannabes running around with their Calvin Klein undies showing. That was wrong, and it went on far too long. I don’t known what the logic was behind all that. Was it supposed to attract the opposite sex? Was it supposed to send out a message like, “Hey ladies, my mom bought me a pack of Calvin Klein undies at the mall. Does that make you wet?” I’m sure on some level women are curious to see men in their underwear. It’s only natural. Seeing the elastic band of overpriced name-brand tighties on about one hundred guys in a day, however, couldn’t have been that interesting, especially for the girls who enjoyed a good bulge every now and then. The baggy jeans showed off about 0% bulge. It was the fashion of choice for the bulge-less. Plus dude were constantly pulling their pants up. For girl who were irritated by seeing guys scratching their balls in public, this must have been similarly irritating.
On the opposite end of the spectrum: tight jeans were in style with the punk crowd for a while. I’m talking about skin-tight. And it was only the lankiest of boys wearing them, so they looked like cartoon skeletons. Those jeans were just torture to your crotch. Now ladies sometimes like a good, tight pair of pants on a fella, but if they ever ended up in the sack with him, they’d find his sack was now permanently residing inside his body, because those fucking jean mutilated genitals. You may have been a dude when you put them on, but you’d be a girl by the time you took them off.
In many ways, it was a Renaissance of Jeans. What do we have nowadays for pants? Nothing. Just stuffy old styles, and cheaply made too. Not to say that the jeans of the 90’s weren’t cheaply made: they were, and by child labour. But those kids knew how to sew. I’ve gone through six pairs of Lees last year because the back pocket of my luscious, luscious ass keeps tearing, and that’s bullshit.

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Ugh…

You know what I hate? When you’re visiting a site and they have those fucking side-ads that follow you as you scroll down. There’s an entire sixth of the page you can’t click on or you’re in totally fucked territory. And they’re always the most obnoxious ads they can muster. They’ll be for some completely illegitimate service or product, like a bogus weight loss program, or some online game advertising itself with half-naked chicks that have nothing to do with their product. And it’s unavoidable. No matter where you go on the page, it’s following you, like one of those paintings with the creepy eyes. You’re being fucking punished for visiting a site. 99% of the internet exists to punish you. Every ad, every piece of spam, every pop-up, every forum, every chat room, every comment box, every social networking site, every virus, every piece of malware, every search engine result: ALL OF IT WANT TO HARM YOU PSYCHOLOGICALLY. You are a masochist for being on here. Get out. There’s nothing here for you.

My Trip to EB Games

Me: Oooh… They have a used copy of Fallout 3 for only $49.99, and I have $14.00 credit. I’m going to get that. Wait… They have a new copy for $49.99. WTF? How is a used copy worth the same as a new copy. Fuck this shit, I’ll get the new one.
Guy at the counter: “Do you want this, or do you want to wait until Tuesday when the Game of the Year edition comes out, with all four downloadable extras for only $20 more?”
Me: “…” Fuck. (I walk away forlornly). Fuck that, I’ll just go rent it at Blockbuster.

X-Men: The Last Stand

X-Men: The Last Stand (Widescreen Edition)Even after all these years I’m still pissed off with X-Men: The Last Stand, mainly because it contained the biggest, “So what happened?” moments of all moviedom. There’s that scene where Cyclops is by the lake with Jean, and then “something” happens. Wolverine accuses Jean of killing Cyclops, but all he has for evidence is a pair of glasses. Jean then later claims she killed Cyclops, but this is after the idea has been planted in her head. There still remains the possibility that he’s alive. There’s also the method in which he’s supposedly killed. You see Professor X being “disintegrated” by Jean’s powers, but after the credits he comes back in the body of another mutant. Meaning: he’s not dead. So if Professor X is alive, why can’t Scott be too?
Plus, this is the X-Men. There is literally no method of killing them in which they will not come back. Cyclops was also a big part of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, so they’re obviously not going to waste all that development into his back-story and then not bring him back for a fourth X-Men movie, or a spin-off.
I’m just pissed off about how Cyclops was handled during the movie franchise in general. He’s not the most interesting character: he’s a whiny pretty-boy jock who gets pissed off every time some even tries to look at his drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend, but you could flesh him out a little instead of killing him off outright. The whole love-triangle thing between Scott, Jean and Wolverine wasn’t even a triangle because no one gave a crap about Scott. In Ol’ School, Scott would have been the guy who got caught plowing the caterer. He’s there for a few minutes to set up the rivalry between two opposing lovers and then he’s gone.
It’s the same for X2, where Scott gets kidnapped and brainwashed about fifteen minutes into the movie, and he doesn’t show up again until the last fifteen minutes. That’s not a lot of screen time. The basic problem with his character is that a: he’s not played by a Hugh Jackman, and b: he isn’t Wolverine. Plus, it’s difficult for any actor to properly portray him in all these overly-emotional moments because no one can see your eyes. That’s why there’s these scenes with the actor curling up his lips to a ridiculous extent to compensate for the loss of that facial region. 
Plus X-Men: The Last Stand basically took everything that was wrong with the movie franchise and ran with it. There were nameless mutants no one knows, not even me: and I’ve literally read and collected hundred of X-Men comics, watched their cartoons, collected toys and trading cards, and I still don’t know who they are. I think the one dude was supposed to be Omega Red, but I’m not sure. I’m just confused. Plus there’s like three funerals in the movie. There’s a funeral for the same chick they had a funeral for in the last movie. Think about that. Think about how little death matters in their universe where a person can die twice, and they’re still all teary-eyed and making speeches. I think they even used a new grave marker. They could save a hell of a lot of money just by having a reversible sign saying, “The Professor is In/Out.”

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