Occasionally, when I find that the movie I wanted to see on Netflix is not available, I’ll attempt to watch one of their infinite selection of B-list movies instead. I don’t get very far. The only thing these movies have going for them are titles dumb enough to be interesting, and box-art that looks like it was badly photo-shopped from a real movie.
Tonight, I half-watched 12% Nazis at the Centre of the Earth.
In case you don’t know, Nazis are everywhere. They’re in Brazil, they’re at our beaches, and they’re on the moon. That’s why being Captain America is a full-time job. It stands to reason that there’s Nazis at the center of the Earth, just as there’s reason to believe there’s Nazis at the Center of Performing Arts. As a member of the viewing audience, I don’t need to know how they got there, I just need to see them being impaled on an American flag.
The movie has a few Nazis explosion in a DubyaDubya2 set prelude before advancing to the present day, where a group of yadda-yadda-yadda 20-somethings working at something-or-other have to go to the center of the Earth. I say all this because I don’t care about these people. They’re the same standard snarky nobodies who litter every B-movie, characters that exist simply to be killed one-by-one horror movie style, so why get attached in the first place? It’s not like they’re the cast of Scooby-Doo, although that’s exactly who they are. I stopped watching just as they were about to go to the center of the Earth, so the suspense is killing me. I presume everything went okay. There were Nazis, but they weren’t all preachy about it. They had ice cream.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, B-Movies often deliver exactly what they advertise. That’s why 2 Headed Shark Attack has a two-headed shark attacking.
The 2 headed shark attacks in the first five minutes, where this box art takes place:
There’s nowhere this movie can take you that’s really going to expand on that idea, ie. a 2-headed shark. Unless of course this happens:
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