Fish Jesus

One of my goldfish was lying dead on the bottom of the bowl this afternoon, but when I went to scoop it up to flush it, I noticed its gills were still moving. So I cleaned out the bowl and put it back in to see how it would fare. That evening, it was swimming around as if nothing had ever been amiss. This leads me to believe I might be Fish Jesus.

Being Fish Jesus is like being Regular Jesus, but with fish. For instance, instead of saying, “Turn the other cheek,” Fish Jesus would say, “Turn the other gill.” Additionally, instead of the miracle of the fishes, it would be the miracle of the humans. Instead of walking on water, he swims on land. Instead of turning water into wine, he turn wine into water. Instead of saying, “Forgive them, for they know not what they do,” he says, “Glub, glub, glub.”