Ode to the Direct-To-DVD College Movie

In the past two nights I’ve watched Van Wilder: Freshman Year,

and Road Trip: Beer Pong,

two completely unnecessary sequels to movies that already have unnecessary sequels. It’s a widely accepted fact that once a movie franchise goes straight to DVD, then it’s over. Beyond being the third instalment in a college-based movie series, these two movies have a lot more in common.
First off: this guy. Nestor Aaron Absera . I’ve never heard of him either. Probably because his list of movie credits include nothing besides Van Wilder: Freshman Year and Road Trip: Beer Pong. In both movies he plays the pot-head buddy. The only difference is in Van Wilder, he’s a Rastafarian. So to recap: he’s only been in two movies and he’s already been type-cast.
Both movies are your typical college fare ala Animal House. Basically, it’s all about beer, pot, tits, and getting laid, with wacky hi-jinks throughout. These sequels are throw-backs to the originals. Basically, they just took the same scripts and changed the pranks.
In Van Wilder’s instance, the movie is about him trying to hook up with this other chick (who I think is from The Hills), only she’s in a relationship with a douchebag. Sound familiar? The twist is that it’s a ultra-conservative Christian military college, so he has to show everyone how to party. The most memorable moment? He get the bulldog with the big balls to lick peanut butter of the crusty old-dean’s crotch when his wife comes in. That’s a win. A disgusting win, but a win nevertheless. I think someone should tell Van Wilder that it’s not okay to be a Freshman.

Road Trip: Beer Pong is about a guy who already has a girl, a hot girl, but he wants to hook up with an even hotter French girl he used to know. So they go on a road trip. It’s impossible to sympathize with this guy, because you know he’s going to get laid either way. Along the way he makes all these pussy-whipped-phone calls to his girlfriend(s) to assure them he loves them, that he’s being a good-boy, etc. He also does this youtube video of him singing a song in the nude called, “In the Buff.” It’s a terrible song, but they do a live-show where the audience freaks out like it’s the best thing they’ve ever seen. Think: the shirtless saxophone solo in The Lost Boys.

It’s that gay. It’s the kind of song that The Naked Cowboy (TM) would do.
The rest of the movie is about (surprise, surprise): Beer Pong. This is probably the greatest movie made about Beer Pong. For those of you who don’t know: Beer Pong is like Ping-Pong without the ping, and with beer. They win the big match through some obscure rule of Beer Pong. Yes: Beer Pong has rules.
Best moment is probably when they’re all getting lapdances and the Indian guy gets a little too excited. Instead of jizzing in his pants, however, he pees them.
All in all, you can’t give these movies more than

Technorati Tags: Van Wilder: Freshman Year,Road Trip: Beer Pong,movies

2 1/2 out of 5 at most, and that’s if you’re grading them. I’m not. Why should I? I don’t get paid for this shit.
The Lost Boys Van Wilder: Freshman Year - Unrated Road Trip - Beer Pong (Unrated Edition)