Is That Honky-Tonk Man? I Think I Saw the Honky-Tonk Man. It IS the Honky-Tonk Man…

Technorati Tags: wrestling,Abbotsford

Recognizing a pro-wrestler from twenty years ago is a skill precious few posses. It helps that the wrestler in question is wearing a mullet and mutton chops. It’s not a combination one finds in nature, no matter how far South one travels. He’s one of those people you can’t help but identify. It’s like running into Mr.T. No one else dresses like Mr.T unless it’s Halloween, and in those cases they’re usually in blackface. It’s a testament to how unique some wrestlers look. Many of these performers are already 6’5” and weighing in at 350lbs. Then they decide to paint their faces gold, or carry around a python. It’s like putting up a neon sign pointing to a fire, or a hot chick getting a tattoo on her massive jugs. I’m just saying that if Hulk Hogan was in line in front of you at Starbucks, you’re going to know it’s him before you see the ‘stache.
The Honky-Tonk Man was never a major player, but everyone knew his shtick. He’d come out lookin’ like Elvis, and break a guitar over on someone’s head. People never used to break guitars before Honky-Tonk Man. He started that. In the wrestling ring, at least.
It wasn’t quite so surprising running into the Honky-Tonk Man, considering it was at a county fair. That’s typically where you’d expect to meet someone with the word, “Honky,” in their name. Did he have an aura around him? No. He’s not Rick James. He was about my height, however, leading me to believe I might be able to take him. Not necessarily in a fight, but perhaps in some form of non-athletic competition.
It was odd to think about how long he’d been in the “game.” The parallels between him and Mickey Rourke’s character,“The Ram” from The Wrestler, were considerable. The only difference is that Honky-Tonk could probably have won that Oscar. Plus Mickey could probably kick his ass. Honky-Tonk had the tan going on, but he wasn’t all ‘roided out. He was just a man with a job, signing autographs and wrestling in a little-known franchise.
Mostly, though, I was reminded about how my ex told me she had to see Honky-Tonk’s penis as he got changed. Once that image is placed in your head, you can’t get it out, even with a shotgun. You wonder if he’s got mutton chops around his balls, and thoughts equally as disturbing. I wanted to tell him, “Hey, I know a chick who saw your dick.”
To which he would probably reply, “Who, your mom?”
The truth is sadder by far.