Batman: The World’s Worst Detective

Batman is billed as being the “World’s Greatest Detective.” It’s right there on the comics. They weren’t even called Batman Comics when they were first released, they were called “Detective Comics.” The problem with this idea is that Batman sometimes comes across as not being the brightest bulb in the bunch, and that bunch involves the Green Lantern.
First off, he never solved his parent’s murder. He set off trying to avenge their deaths, but fell far short. In the comics, Batman never solved his parent’s murders in seventy years. They had to retcon the entire series during Infinite Crisis to correct that mistake, but for the record: he doesn’t know who killed his parents. Officially, it’s believed that Joe Chill was the culprit, but Batman spends his life going through every database, shaking down every criminal, and infiltrating every underground organization without ever knowing the answer. Even in the movies, he’s as clueless. In the Michael Keaton Batman, he doesn’t even have a suspect until he’s thirty-something and hears the Joker say the exact same thing he said when he killed his parents. Then, despite hearing what’s essentially a confession, he still has to pour through old files on the Batcomputer to positively I.D. him. Then, instead of going to the police with his findings, he drops him off a building… by mistake. Then, in the Bale Batman, the criminal straight up confesses to the court. No Batman necessary. You’d think that the highest-profile back alley murders in Gotham would have a larger police presence investigating it, but it’s considered a cold case by the time Bruce Wayne becomes Batman. Bear in mind, the worst thing this says about Batman is that HE WATCHES IT HAPPEN AND RELIVES IT IN HIS MIND EVERY WAKING MOMENT. As a rule of thumb, Batman’s parents being murdered is brought up every second issue or so. Even having clearly seen the culprit and having it etched in his mind, he still can’t find him.
Then, Batman finds out he has a son named Damian with his evil-nemesis/sexual plaything Talia, and that he’s now a pre-teen. It never occurs to him that the woman who’s main goal is to mate with Batman and bring her father, Ra’s Al-Ghoul a heir may have gotten herself knocked up during one of their hot desert trysts. Plus, Batman is supposed to be keeping close tabs on her and the organization she works with, but never notices any mysterious nine month absence. One day, she just shows up with a group of man bat ninjas and basically tells him it’s his weekend to watch the kid. What’s Damian been doing his whole life? Training with ninja assassins. The same ninja assassin league Batman breaks up every month when they get in his fucking way. Never once does he see him, or get suspicious.
Then there’s the time Batman found out who the Red Hood was. Batman was plagued by a super villain calling himself the Red Hood who kept leaving him mysterious clues, like his own batarangs, taunting Batman to find out his real identity. It turned out to be Jason Todd, the second Robin, who was supposed to be spectacularly dead. Afterwards, Batman had to go back and trace everything he did after Jason’s death to see if there were any clues. He even had Jason’s coffin booby-trapped to alert him if anyone had tampered with it. His studies showed him there hadn’t even been a body in it. Only, there had been. Jason dug himself out of his own grave. To Batman’s credit, none of this makes any sense, because it involves Superboy Prime punching a crystal wall until reality itself changed with the very specific outcome being Jason coming back to life.

For realz.
Afterwards, however, Jason gets taken in by Talia, for whom Batman has a very large blind spot. There’s really no excuse for Batman, however, since Ra’s is arguably his greatest, if not deadliest foe, and he’s the first and last line of defence between Ra’s and the deaths of billions. So if Ra’s slutty daughter has taken his dead former sidekick, he should fucking know about it.
Then there’s Stephanie Brown, the fourth Robin, the current Batgirl, and the former Spoiler. She was dead too. Her murder was a little easier to solve, as she had her ass handed to her by the Black Mask. Only, it turned out she could have been saved on the operating table by Batman’s personal physician, but she simply chose not to. Batman totally calls her on it and tracks her down to Africa, telling her if she ever shows up State-side again, he’ll turn her in to the police. CASE CLOSED! Only, Stephanie is now alive and well, and it was all a cover up so Stephanie could start a new life away from super-crime and help starving orphan children in Africa. Batman never knew this. There’s no indication of him ever knowing this. Only, when she shows up on their doorstep alive and well, he tells Robin he knew all along, meaning: Batman is full of shit. I have a graphic novel War Crimes, where Batman clearly shows in every panel that he believes in his heart of hearts Stephanie is dead. He even does the criminal investigation himself to confirm his every suspicion. He straight-up drops the ball, and doesn’t owe up to it. This makes Robin get pissed off at Batman for lying to him about Stephanie being dead. Only, he’s never lied about her being dead, he didn’t fucking know. He tells a lie to cover up his own ignorance, just to save some face. Jerk. Then again, it could have just been this:

Then there’s the time he went to jail for the murder of Vikki Vale, which happened in his own mansion. Also: he was innocent. You’d think that the world’s greatest detective would pretty much instantly be able to tell who the real culprit was the instant they set foot in his high-tech security based mansion, but no. He had no clue. There’s a very short list of suspects who could do something like that in his own home with his fourth of fifth favourite on-again/off-again girlfriend, but it takes him months to solve the crime. In his favour, he’s being hunted by the police and the super hero community while investigating the crime, plus he has to break in and out of jail every night. Still, in the end, the culprit has to basically announce himself, and his ass-backward revenge plot. Plus I think Batman kills Azrael during all of this too… by accidentally letting him fall. It’s a common theme in all super hero comics. Then, of course, Vikki Vale comes back to life magically because of this:

Meaning: death is meaningless. It’s impossible to even commit a murder in Batman’s universe because it will be retconned out, making Batman and his criminal investigations a redundancy. Batman himself was killed and came back to life like a week ago through pilgrim-hat wearing time travel. At least that made more sense.