October is Every Month

October is:

Fire Safety Month. Not only is it Fire Safety Month, but contained within Fire Safety Month is Fire Safety Week. It’s Inception.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Energy Awareness Month

Oktober Fest

The Month of the Holy Rosary

‘Jinx’ Month

It’s also the eighth month instead of the tenth on ancient calendars.

In summation: October is every month and that’s retarded. Special interest groups need to stop fucking around with their own ad campaigns. You have to pick one thing for October to be, and keep it that way. Nobody calls February, “Confederate Remembrance Month,” because it’s, “Black History Month.” Anyone trying to mess with that is automatically labelled a racist, and for good reason. Imagine the political backlash is a Governor tried to label February, “Cotton Candy Month.” Yes, cotton candy is delicious, but it’s, Black History Month. Everyone knows that. Plus February is a terrible month to enjoy cotton candy.

Same deal for October. Does it really need to be more than one thing? Breast Cancer Awareness is a serious issue affecting millions of people, but so is burning to death. Plus fire was here first. I’m pretty sure fire would win in an actual fight with cancer. In fact, fuck both of those issues. They’re both downers. Months shouldn’t be dedicated to depressing things, otherwise you’re spending at least 1/12 of your life feeling sad. I say October is now Tits and Explosions Month. It combines the appealing parts of Breast Cancer an Fire Safety in a way that’s fun for kids and adults at the same time.