Friday, October 19, 2012

Inconspicuous as Hell

 

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This is my new Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood Ezio Auditore Role-Play Gauntlet, which I fully intend to wear on Halloween and stab people with. Now: the appeal behind this weapon is that it’s supposed to be something the wearer can secretly carry around for quick kills. Looking at it on my arm, I realize I’d be better off with a bazooka. The blade doesn’t extend further than my own fingers, which it nearly severs when it shoots out. The Brotherhood remove their ring finger as a sign of devotion to the guild, but I think it’s just to keep them from cutting their own finger off by accident. I can easily see that happening. Imagine leaving a blood trail for the guards to follow, and having to explain yourself while they hold up a severed finger and point to your bloody stump where it came from. Plus, you’ll have the murder weapon strapped to your wrist. What are you going to tell them, that it’s a wrist watch? There’s no way to take this thing off a throw it away in a bind, as the buckles are difficult to undo with one hand. It also includes an optional ornate wrist guard, which would be easily spotted by anyone within five hundred feet. Without it, you could possibly hide the contraption inside your sleeve, but there’s still an awkward  bulge to conceal, like the one in my pants.

My review is: this isn’t practical, even for highly trained assassins. You have to be close enough to your victim to touch them, there’s the risk of injuring yourself, it’s harder to hide than a normal dagger, and you can’t take it off unless you’ve got a few minutes to spare. Still, ask yourself, “Who’s going to mess with someone who’s strapped weapons to their wrists?” Sane people know not to get too close to crazy people.

I was hoping to score a white Assassin’s Creed hoodie to complete the costume, but I’ll have to make other arrangements.

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