Mickey VS. Minnie

While at Toys’R’Us, trying to come up with ideas for Christmas gifts, I noticed an entire rack devoted exclusively to Minnie Mouse. She had cars, dolls, bedtime dolls, talking dolls, play sets, you name it. Mickey was nowhere in sight.

Then it hit me: Minnie Mouse doesn’t need Mickey Mouse. She’s the one enduring female character that’s has never shown any inclination to be attached to her significant other. She’s been around since Steamboat Willie, which first popularized Mickey Mouse. There’s nothing particularly interesting about her. She’s essentially just Mickey Mouse with a bow on her head and some eyelashes, and she’s never starred in her own cartoon. She’s a background character at best, but she’s just as well known as Mickey Mouse the world over for decades upon decades.

What’s her deal with Mickey anyway? Are they even lovers? Have they ever even gone on a date? Mickey and Minnie seem to have the same relationship as Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine. They dated once, and now they’re just friends. They’re never going to get married.

Looking at her toys, though, it looks like she’s the one who’s got her life together. You won’t see Mickey Mouse appearing in anything other than Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse. On that show, Minnie Mouse opened her own Bow-tique, (because it sells bows) and it’s a hit. Mickey, on the other hand, has no job. He seems to be living off the residuals of his past appearances and dark magic. In other words, Minnie Mouse is a successful designer and entrepreneur, and Mickey is a bum.

More than that, Mickey is a dark wizard. We’ve previously learnt that Mickey is a practitioner of the arcane arts from Fantasia, and in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, he can summon the Clubhouse into being by using magic words. He even tries to involve children in his worship of Satan by having them say the words along with him. Toodles, his all-purpose tool, is clearly magic as well. That’s why he’s the mascot for the, “Magic Kingdom.” That’s why Mickey refuses to work, or marry. Contributing to society, or stepping foot inside a church would offend his Dark Lord.