Thursday, March 14, 2013

Rope-a-Pope

The Catholic Church has elected a new Pope, Pope Francis (although that’s not his real name). I’ve always thought it odd that Popes, like royalty, adopt a new name once they become Pope. His real name is Jorge Mario Bergoglio, so he should have just called himself, Pope Mario. Imagine how awesome that would be. From his resume, he seems as if he’s the least controversial Pope in history, even if there’s a controversy, now largely dismissed, that he may have been involved with two men being captured by death squads in Argentina.

What is a bit off is his age. The last Pope just up and quit because, as he admits, he’s too damn old. Seriously old. The new Pope is 75. That’s old. That’s 3/4 of a Century. Sure, you want the Pope to have the experience and wisdom that comes with age, but you don’t want him crumbling into dust.

Also, despite coming from South America, he’s as white as every Pope that proceeded him, which is to say: super-white. You’d think with over 1/2 billion Catholics being of Spanish descent there’s be one hombre in there, but there isn’t. All gringos. Basically, if you’ve never seen the Pope, or any Pope, just just have to close your eyes and think of an old white guy in a white dress and silly hat. Bam: you’ve got a Pope.

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