Comics Vs. Movies

In the past decade or more, big budget movie adaptations of comic books have skyrocketed. The visual medium of comic books is little different from an actual storyboard for a movie. The iconic characters and action sequences are an easy draw for audiences. Why then, do so many movies get it so very, very wrong? If you ask people what the top ten worst movies of all time might be, there’s guaranteed to be at least three super hero movies in there.

As a comic nerd growing up, I was always insanely excited when I heard they were making a movie about a title I read. As a balding adult, I now know that turning a comic book into the movie is it’s death knell. It doesn’t matter who’s directing or who’s starring. It isn’t just the fanboy arguments of, “The REAL Spider-Man made his own web shooters.” Somewhere between the page and execution, something goes horribly wrong when Hollywood’s involved.

Movies Everyone Hates:

Marvel:

Daredevil (2003)

This movie starred Ben Affleck (more like, “ASSfleck”) back when he was making movies like Gigli and Jersey Girl. Bennifer was in all the tabloids over his whirlwind romance with Jennifer Lopez, (who likes taco and burritos) and then with his co-star and future wife, Jennifer Garner. More on her later. Bullseye was played by Collin Farrell at beginning of his downward spiral. He was actually a draw before he made this movie. I’m not sure if his performance in this film killed his career, or if his sextape, boozing and drugs did, but I’m going to say it was Daredevil. Kingpin was played by the late Michael Clark Duncan, a black actor playing an originally white character which set a precedence for future roles like Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. This unfortunately exposed the inherent racism in both the comics and the readers: the comics by the fact there were no black characters, and the readers because of the outcry against a black actor. Michael was perfectly cast, as likely no other actor in Hollywood could capture the stature of the Kingpin.

When I bought this on DVD, I was warned at the checkout that it was a terrible movie. I’d just gotten a PS2, though, and I wanted to build up my DVD library. Still, I wasn’t prepared. It’s hard to put a finger on just what makes this movie so bad. For starters, though, Daredevil, the character, and his alter-ego Matt Murdock didn’t come across as likeable. When the movie’s called Daredevil, that’s a problem. Plus they tried to cover too much ground. The tragic love-story between Matt Murdock and Elektra was unrelated to the revenge story with Daredevil and Kingpin. That could have been two movies, if they had done things right. They didn’t. Bullseye was ridiculous. The Irish brogue was distracting, but not as bad as the Bullseye scar on his head. They kept Bullseye unmasked for the movie to capitalize on Colin Farrell’s good looks and acting chops, but then they had him shave his head and put a giant scar on it, and he flubbed the role. Since Daredevil’s blind, everything in the movie is dark. The night settings make it harder to follow some of the ninja action sequences. Action’s really all this movie has going for it, and if you can’t see that properly, what’s the point at all? The worst, though, was the CGI. For some of the impossible stunt sequences, they used half-finished CGI and made the lighting as dark as possible so you couldn’t tell. Of course, you could, because Daredevil suddenly turns into this early 2000 computer game character.

The movie people should hate more:

Elektra (2005)

This was the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I walked out on it, and I was playing it in my living room. It made me want to get up, and be as physically as far away from it as possible. Jennifer Garner was the only thing people really took away from the whole Daredevil experience, because of boobs. It was supposed to be a vehicle to kick-start her action career to become the next Anjelina Jolie, bolstered by her Alias TV series and Daredevil. Instead, it killed it. This was rushed into production after Daredevil as it’s own spin-off sequel of sorts. No one was exactly clamouring for it after seeing Daredevil. The plot made no sense. After dying in Daredevil she’s brought back to life by ninja assassins and trained to become a ninja assassin until she becomes a ninja assassin. Technically, ninjas are already assassins, so I guess that’s redundant. I guess if you’re already way into sais becoming a ninja is a natural career choice. I’m not sure if even one of the villains she faces in the movie was ever in the comics. Elektra was always sort of a c-list. Her character literally drops off the face of the world for years at a time, and I don’t think she’s had her own comic book series since the 90’s, aside from few miniseries. Still, a chick with boobs in tight pants fighting ninjas should have been a no-brainer.

Aside from the magic-tattoo dudes she’s fighting, the plot closely resembles The Golden Child, without Eddie Murphy crackin’ wise. There was a sort of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon vibe to the fight scenes, if you’ve only ever had that movie described to you while on medication. Honestly, this movie should never had existed. Bear in mind at this time there hadn’t been an Iron Man, Thor, Captain America of Avengers movie. Elektra, one of the more obscure Marvel characters had a movie made before all those greats, but then so did Howard the Duck.

Why is she Greek, by the way? I mean why does that factor in? That’s always been in her Bio, like the artist who created her couldn’t draw Japanese women, so he decided on her being Greek instead?

The Reboot:

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

I could go on at length about The Hulk, directed by Ang Lee, but I don’t have the time right now. (Ins’t it weird Ang Lee and Affleck both won Oscars this year?) I will, however, trash the reboot, which itself has been rebooted. This was the second instalment in The Avengers teaser prequels, and the only one that doesn’t fit in with The Avengers. Most of the movie takes place in Brazil, which doesn’t detract from the comic, really, as Hulk was a nomad by nature. That actually synch with the The Hulk, which leaves Bruce Banner in the Amazon providing charitable aid. Somehow, from that, he ends up working in a soda plant. They redid his origin, which didn’t need to be touched upon really. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk and smashes things. If you can’t follow that without a whole backstory about a science experiment gone wrong, you shouldn’t be in the theatre. Nothing about the Hulk’s transformation is logical, so you can’t explain it away with science. You could say he got bit by two snakes at once while bathing in Jello and that turned him into a Hulk, and it would be as acceptable as any other origin story.

His enemy in the movie is a Russian working for the U.S. Military, which makes no sense. He’s viewed as such a Patriot (despite being Russian), he’s transformed into his own Hulk. Apparently even the smallest dose of the Hulk’s blood will turn anyone into a Hulk. Having discovered this, the U.S. Military continues to try and destroy the Hulk instead of harvesting his blood to create an army of super soldiers. Literally: one drop. It’s like 28 Days Later, but with the results you want. It even turns Stan Lee into the Hulk.

The subplot, as always, is a love story, with a lot of sexual tension and the damsel in distress and all that nonsense. The saddest thing is that they try and set up a third Hulk movie by introducing the Leader, and then it ends with a cameo from Tony Stark.