I was reading an online article that ranked the biggest celebrity douchebags by votes. Number one was Kanye West. Number two was Kim Kardashian, meaning the worst two douchebags in the world are creating a baby together. That’s troubling to say the least. Number three was Chris Brown, and that made the whole list fall apart.
Let’s recap: This is the douchiest thing Kanye West ever did:
“Imma gonna eat your award.”
This is him interrupting an award show to promote Beyonce’s video. The award itself was meaningless. “Best Female Music Video.” What the hell is that? MTV doesn’t even air music videos anymore, but they’ll host the awards shows. All music videos are anymore are the crap you watch on youtube when you’re bored of cat videos and nut shots. America lost it’s shit. Kanye had to get his mom and apologize on national TV. This was the equivalent of a black man whistling at a white woman in the rural South in the 1950’s. By comparison, 50 Cent did the exact same thing to Evanescence during the Grammy’s.
“Bitch, please!”
Only it wasn’t to console the other nominee… oh wait, it was: Himself. He went up on stage to psyche out a wispy little white woman when he didn’t win his meaningless award, because he thought he was better. It was barely news, because he’s a straight-up gangsta, foo’.
The second worst thing Kanye ever did was to go off-card and say, “George W. Bush doesn’t care about black people!” during his Katrina telephon appearance.
This is Canadian, Michael Myers, about to be excommunicated from America.
So what? Both times he got a little emotional and had an outburst. Shit comes out of his mouth that he can’t control. The dude calls it like he sees it. Does that make him a douche, or do the retro 80’s Georgie LaForge glasses do?
I remember having a pair of glasses like this when I was eight in ‘88. It would be two more decades until I got laid.
Now that’s he’s 50% of Kimye Westdasyshian, the third douchiest thing he ever did would be to bang Kim Kardashian, the newest incarnation of Paris Hilton. And who could blame him? Dat ass.
In comparison, this is the worst thing Number 3 Chris Brown ever did:
He fucked up his then-girlfriend and fellow musician and collaborator’s face this badly, the night before they were supposed to perform their career-defining duet, and has since acted more-or-less completely unapologetic and has even gone so far as to have this tattooed on his neck.
Now, a lot of people (mostly dip-shit idiots on twitter) might say it’s not my place to judge. That this is really just between him and Rihanna. In times of doubt like this, I look at my bracelet and think, “WWDD?”
Batman would beat the ever-loving shit out of Chris Brown. Think about all the times you’ve fucked up. Have you ever fucked up so badly you deserved a holy-beat-down from Batman? The kind where you end up suspended above the ground by your ankles with a gloved Bat-fist choking you while he scream in your face? That’s pretty much how badly Chris Brown fucked up. Even Superman would beat the ever-loving shit out of him, and he’s basically Jesus.
Just to show you I’m not fucking around, this is one of the earliest Superman comics, showing him beating a wife beater.
If Batman is beating you into a fine paste, and then Superman shows up to finish the job, you’re probably a fucking asshole.
People hate on Kanye more because… well he kind of is a douche. A talented douche, but a douche nevertheless. Is he the biggest douche? No. He’s spirited, not downright repulsive.
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