Ever notice how when you're rudely awakened, like say by the radio alarm clock going off at 5:00, it's always in the middle of an f'in sweet dream?
So here's the scenario: I was enjoying the last rays of Summer camping down by the ocean in my dad's old truck and camper and there were a few familiar faces, like the two ugliest, most religious girls from high school. In other words: unboneable. So instead of bothering with them, I go down to the shore. It's dark out, and I see this giant metal cougar hovering above the waves, with it's paws extended towards me. I try to hide behind a grassy mound, but I can still feel it's eyes on me. I peek out, and I realize what I'd seen is just an elaborate animatronic statue for tourists to gawk at as their ferry docks. It's designed to come up out of the waves from the top of a submarine. It's glistening silver. At the end of one of it's paws is a flamethrower. It blows flames towards me and I can feel the heat from behind the relative safety of my mound. It dips it's other paw in the water to splash the tourists leaning over the back of the ferry, and I subsequently doused by the spray.
The other part of the dream involves an Angelina Jolie movie on cable. Now she's appeared nude in several movies, but she's full-on hardcore porno-fucking in this one. Only the cable keeps cutting out, saying that I've lost transmission or some such nonsense. There's one scene where she's on her back on a piano and she has he ass so far up in the air she's nearly doubled over. Then it cuts out. Still, frustrated with the cable, I keep watching, and not just for the porn scenes. During the rest of the movie she's killing everyone around her, but she's perfectly calm and collected right up until the moment she slits their throats with a knife she pulls from her hair. It reminded me of those weird foreign films that are supposed to be all hoity-toity, but the only reason that anyone watches them is for brief glimpses of nudity and debauched sex late at night. I give this movie two thumbs up... my own ass.
The other night I had a dream I had to go out behind a bar and pee in these elaborately decorative bushes for an inordinate amount of time after walking in on two retail outlet store employees fucking in a bathtub. I'm seriously pissing for like seven minutes. Plus I'm actually asleep while I'm doing this, so in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "I hope I'm not pissing the bed." As luck would have it, I wasn't, and when I woke up I took a wicked piss.
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