Hot Boxing

So I bought an Xbox 360 over the weekend, meaning I finally have a chance to use the hi-def on my TV. I haven't bought any games yet, and after playing a few demos off of Xbox LIve, I'm glad I didn't. The controls for a lot of these games seem like they'd take a long time to get used to. At no point during a game should anyone ever have to pause and go look for a manual to figure out how to kill an enemy, which is what I felt like I had to do during, "Alone in the Dark," and "D.O.A. 4." "Bio-Shock," blew my fucking mind open like a can of beans in a microwave. I know I'm pretty late to the party, but all this is new to me. I downloaded "Castle Crashers," a game best played with four people, and played by myself. In "Castle Crashers," you crash castles. Swarms of enemies will... swarm you... and you try your best not to die. Even if you do die, however, you're sent to a screen where you can adjust your stats, making you more powerful. Along with the cutesy animation, there's some really crude bathroom jokes, like shit-propelled deer rocketing across the screen. Mostly, you're just hacking and slashing, but some of the levels are reminiscent of Super Mario with power-ups that make you giant, green poison balls shooting across the screen and giant, spiky mashers you have to duck under (seriously, what's the deal with Thwomp from Super Mario Bros. 3? He's a living stone block with spikes coming out of him and he can hover up and down, but all he does is drop down at even intervals. You'd think he'd change it up and maybe just hide until he saw Mario come by then drop down, but no, like an asshole he just drops in rhythm You can see him coming from a mile away. Plus he gives you enough time to run past him. If I were him, I do his stupid pound routine, then just as Mario was coming, I'd stop short just above his head then drop. Bowser really needs to train his troops better). Some of the independent games you can download nowadays can kick the ass out of the big-budget titles on store shelves. Anyway, my tag name is, "slappyhands," mainly because at this point, all good names are taken. I've learnt to deal with that.
What happens in 20 years when there's literally no screen names left? Our children's-children won't be able to go on the internet anymore. They'll have to inherit them. In the future, people will be upset when they receive a million dollars in a will instead of the screen name, "kissybear."