I Fell Down and Hurt My Stomach!

The thing about retro games is: games from the 70's and 80's were really, really hard. Up until the 90's, console video games were just knock-offs of arcade games, which were designed solely to drain adolescent boys of their quarters. It's like how the oil industry fucks over the average consumer, only with joysticks. "Video game violence," back in the day did not refer to pixelated gore, but rather people attacking arcade units in frustration. In order to beat these games, you had to be one of those geniuses with Downs Syndrome and video games were the only thing you were good at (see: "The Wizard"). If you were a zit-faced, gangly teenager getting shoved into lockers, and video games were your only outlet for your frustrations, you were still getting beat down by flying bats. It's like if you were masturbating and someone kicked down the door to the bathroom stall and kicked you in the balls.
Then came the 90's and the advent of 3-D games, and with them the ability to save your game at reasonable point. Lives no longer meant anything, as you could respawn at a moment of your own choosing.
Yet, as the years wore on, people began to yearn for yesteryear, having forgotten why they stopped playing their old games. Case in point: Megaman 9, a brand-new retro-based game with old-school graphics. Worse still is the difficulty level. You can die within five seconds of beginning the game. As you jump over the first gap, ala Super Mario Bros., a flying mine will shoot straight up your butt. Not only will it do this, it'll shoot bullets out it's side. Once you learn this, you can shoot it (as it shoots you), but as you try to jump across the pit after it blows up, a second one will shoot up, then a third, fourth and so on. While this is happening, bird are dropping boulders on you. Even if you shoot these birds and boulders, the debris from the boulders can still damage you. Also, a cannon is firing at you. This is just an example. You might want to just save some time and hit yourself in the balls with a hammer. At least some people get off on that.
The WizardMEGA MAN 9 [Online Game Code]