A Bad Time to be a Redneck

After eight years with a big, dumb, baseball-lovin', oil drillin' Texan in office, American rednecks are going to the polls this month to decide between a black man as President, or a female as Vice-President. That's like asking them which nut they want cut off, and good riddance I say! Perhaps this will mark the final decline of redneck culture that's been so prevalent since... well, the Civil War (the American, not Marvel). There's been moments when people thought it might die, like after the North won the Civil War, (but then Lincoln was assassinated by a Borat look-alike), or after the Jim Crow laws were abolished (but then they kept on lynching black folks), or that period in the late 70's to early 80's leading up to Garth Brooks's, "Low Places," when every country song being played on the radio was 20 years old. Yes, as the saying goes, "The South shall rise again." So being a racist prick is like a soufle. No amount of hygenic products or education can wipe away stupid. Here, in the year 2008 (the FUTURE!) people will still get up in arms (literally) about a black man wanting to be president, or a lady (and I use that term loosely) becoming V.P..
Well too fucking bad. It's a two party system. You have to pick one or the other, and odds are, the hicks will pick McCain, 'cause he's whiter and looser with the gun control laws. He's also fucking ancient, which means he might not make it through his whole term, despite being very-well preserved. That means Palin might actually become President, and she looks like the kind of bitch that: when she rides the red pony, she rides it hard. So there could be a pissed-off Alaskan separatist in charge of the free-world (and I use that term loosely).
In either event, rednecks are going to have a hard four years. Obviously, they're already polishing their Wal-Mart bought rifles and etching Obama's name (they'd spell it, "Osama," if they knew how to spell) on their bullets. That's why Obama should have elected Hillary as his V.P., because no one would assassinate him knowing she would be taking his place. On the other hand, he'd have a power-mad Hillary trying to assassinate him in the Oval Office.