The Worst Song Ever

"Whistle"

Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go
I'm betting you like bebop
And I'm betting you love freak mode
And I'm betting you like girls that give love to girls
And stroke your little ego
I bet I'm guilty your honor
that's just how we live in my genre
Who in the hell done paved the road wider?
There's only one flo, and one rida
I'm a damn shame
Order more champagne, pull a damn hamstring
Tryna put it on ya
Bet your lips spin back around corner
Slow it down baby take a little longer
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go
Whistle baby, whistle baby,
Whistle baby, whistle baby
Whi-whistle baby, whistle baby
Whistle baby, whistle baby
Whi-whistle baby, whistle baby
It's like everywhere I go
My whistle ready to blow
Shorty don't leave a note
She can get any by the low
Permission not approved
It's okay, it's under control
Show me soprano, cause girl you can handle
Baby we start snagging, you come up in part clothes
Girl I'm losing wing, my Bugatti the same road
Show me your perfect pitch,
You got it my banjo
Talented with your lips, like you blew out candles
So amusing, now you can make a whistle with the music
Hope you ain't got no issue, you can do it
Even if it no picture, never lose it
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go
Whistle baby, whistle baby,
Whi-whistle baby, whistle baby
Whistle baby, whistle baby,
Whi-whistle baby, whistle baby
Go girl you can twerk it
Let me see your whistle while you work it
I'mma lay it back, don't stop it
Cause I love it how you drop it, drop it, drop it, on me
Now, shorty let that whistle blow
Yeah, baby let that whistle blow
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go
Whistle baby
(Whistle baby, whistle baby)
Whistle baby
(Whistle baby, whistle baby)
Whistle baby
(Whistle baby, whistle baby)
Whistle baby
(Whistle baby, whistle baby)

This is the worst song ever written. First off, it’s less subtle than the song, “Closer,” by NIN, in which the lyrics read, “I want to fuck you like an animal.” It’s a song about receiving oral sex from someone who clearly does not know how to perform it, by someone who’s never had it. He insists he’s, “Gonna show you how to do it.” A man should not demonstrate how to give oral sex for a woman. It’d turn into that scene from, “Ol’ School” where Andy Dick teaches a blowjob class.

I got very lucky with this google search for, “Ol’ School Blow Job Class,” but now I have to erase my search history.

The fact he has to teach a woman, (if it is a woman and not a man or vacuum cleaner or himself with his lower ribs removed), how to perform fellatio, and the line, “I bet I'm guilty your honor; that's just how we live in my genre,” leads me to believe that this girl is very under-aged. Like R. Kelly under-aged.
Then there’s the whole, “whistle,” and, “blow,” part of this song. It’s been a while, but I’m pretty sure there’s no, “blowing,” in, “blowjobs.” That would hurt like a motherfucker, but maybe a man with a name that sounds like a state full of old people is into. I guess the human wang does look somewhat like a whistle, but this implies that his wiener is short and flat, and there’s a second slot at the base of his shaft. Is he a He-She.

In a sense, this is a song about a whistle. They could have alluded to that by including a whistle in the music. Instead they whistle, sans whistle. So there’s a third meaning for whistle here, and it’s not clever at all. In fact, it makes less sense than before. Is this supposed to be the woman factually whistling on his dick? How is that fucking possible? It reminds me of a dirty French movie I saw (although strangely enough it was a legitimate theatre movie and not a porno on Showcase or Bravo back in the days when they showed those sorts of things), where the dude goes to see a prostitute, because he hears she can sing the French national anthem while giving him head. She obliges him, but her only condition besides cold, hard cash and a cock to go with it is he turn out the lights. Halfway through, he turns on the lights, and there’s a glass eye sitting on the table next to him. She was giving him a socket job. Flo Rida, if that is your real name, you need to start looking down when you get head, because you might be getting the wrong part of the head.

This song was basically an excuse for someone to feature their whistling talents in a public forum, in the guise of a terrible song, and they botched it. And it’s still a hit song, because people are idiots. Mindless fucking idiots.