Am I the only one that noticed the Olympic opening ceremony contained Harry Potter/Marry Poppins Slash fiction?
Seeing them both on stage together made perfect sense. Marry Poppins, of course, is a witch. No one likes to talk about her being a witch, but she’s a straight up witch. I don’t know how she came about her magical powers. Maybe everyone in England is secretly magic, or maybe she fucked the devil. What’s important is that she fits seamlessly into the Harry Potter universe.
Which brings up the possibility of erotic fan fiction.
On the note of popular fictional characters fucking, Fifty Shades of Grey is a multi-million dollar selling series of novels. They’re also, by all accounts, terrible. I personally have no clue what the fuck they’re about. Like literally no idea. All I know is that it includes boning and it’s basically fan-fic. I don’t even know what characters it’s purportedly ripping off. Given recent trends, I’d assume Dracula, because hey, “Vampires.” It’d be far more awesome if it was Oscar Wilde’s character, Dorian Gray, then the title would make sense, although using one of history’s most renowned homosexual’s character in an erotic novel intended for hetero, idiot women would be a stretch.
I’m all for ladies masturbating, but about twenty years ago, I started writing a book at the tender age of twelve. It was called, “Shades of Grey,” so I’m a little bitter. You can buy a copy on Amazon for Kindle, in it’s unedited format. I assure you it predates the erotic novel, but be warned: it has nothing to do with penises going into vaginas, but you can interpret it however you wish.
Obviously, I’m missing out on millions of dollar by not tapping into the lucrative “fan-fic” market. There’s no such thing as good fan-fic, of course, so quality doesn’t matter. What matters is not being sued senseless by Time-Warner and Disney.
Well too bad, mega-corporations, because I’m about to tear you a new asshole!
Tentative titles for my work:
Marry Poppins VS. Voldemort:
The Sexoning
Sex Hex
The Whoreacruxes
Marry’s-a-Poppin’
Good God, how do I do it?
Possible lines of dialogue:
“What a big snake you have.”
“Use your Elder wand!”
“I’m going to sweep out your chimney.”
“Just spoonful of sugar make the medicine go down… on you!”
“Your ass is practically perfect in every way.”
“Not having a nose makes it easier for me to stay down there.”
“ENGORGIO!”
“Use the umbrella!”
“Let’s have a pee party on the ceiling.”
“Two points for Slytherin!”
Did you cum yet? Then see a doctor.
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