London 2012

My predictions for the Opening Ceremonies for the London 2012 Olympics:

1: A holographic Benny Hill will chase the Queen around to the tune of, “Yakkity Sax.”

2: There will be a re-enactment of the, “Chim-Chimmery,” scene from, “Marry Poppins.”

3: Quidditch.

4: The Olympic torch will be lit by a Dalek.

5: The Queen will light up a, “fag,” with the Olympic flame.

6: The spectators will be pick-pocketed by lovable street urchins while watching.

7: “What’s all this then?”

8: “’Ello guv’na!”

9: “Cor blimey!”

10: “London Bridge,” by Fergie will be the official theme song.