Mayonetta

I got into a advanced demo for Bayonetta for the 360, and wasn’t all that impressed. Basically, it’s a God of War style button masher with combos galore. It doesn’t really seem to be that modern, actually. The graphics left a little bit to be desired and the opening sequence looked like something you’d see on the PS One. There was something very 90’s about the whole thing, including the soundtrack. The demo included the Falling Clock Tower sequence from a few of the trailers. Honestly, even after playing it, I have no idea what’s going on. There’s demon-angel dudes, flying cherub heads, and dragon things. All I know is that I have to keep pressing Y and A and they eventually go away. The environments were a little claustrophobic, like you’re almost on rails. There doesn’t seem like there’s much to do besides shoot things with guns in your fetish boots. There was a few signs to read in text pop-ups, and a door you have to hit a certain way to open. The was a CGI sequence of her getting off of a train, which felt unnecessary, and graphic-wise was a little behind the times. I suppose the main attraction to the game Bayonetta is supposed to have sex appeal with attacks that look like something out of a Sailor Moon transformation. The game is rated 17+, but I don’t think it’s really that outrageous in terms of what you see. There’s the same gore you’d see with any fighting game in the past 15 years, and maybe a little side-boob action. If there’s a plot, the demo really didn’t delve into it. Also: there’s this weird loading sequence like in Assassin’s Creed, where you’re in this featureless environment, and there’s a list of combos you’re supposed to pull off to practice.
Personally, there’s something weird looking about Bayonetta, like he body’s out of proportion, and not in the good Hollywood kind of way. It’s like her head’s too tiny and her neck’s too long, much like my penis…
All in all, I’m sure some Japanese kid is jacking off to it already, and by “kid” I mean 47 year-old.