Dope on a Rope in Hope

Ryan Jenkins recently hung himself in the Thunderbird Motel in Hope, B.C., and many people may be wondering how a man could come to such an end. Let me explain: Hope, B.C. is hell. An actual, factual hell. Not in the physical sense, of course, but psychologically, yes. Topographically, Hope isn’t so unpleasant. It’s a picturesque holiday-land of mountains, trees and lakes. When people think of B.C., they’re likely thinking of place just like Hope.
In terms of population, the people of Hope are considered hillbillies. Not just any hillbillies, the kind from Deliverance, who will butt-rape you. Here’s how the Fraser Valley heirarcy goes: First there’s Surrey. Everyone in Surrey is considered a gang-banger, who will stab you, and sell your belongings for crack, and crack-like substances. Then, there’s Langley. No one has any strong opinions of Langley. It leaves that much of an impression. It’s merely okay. Then, there’s Abbotsford. Abbotsford has the highest murder rate in Canada, but people think mostly about how many Mennonites and “brown people” (I’m quoting) there are. Then there’s Chilliwack. If people weren’t thinking red-neck by now, then they are now. The cow population has gone up. So has the “red people” (I’m quoting). “City-folk” from Vancouver are already frightened by the time the reach here, where there’s things like trees and mountains, and short-ass buildings. By the time they’ve reached Hope, they’re scared shitless. Their doors are locked and their windows are rolled up, and they’re driving fast without making eye-contact.
Hope’s sole claim to fame is that it’s the place they filmed Rambo. They still have Rambo tours and sell Rambo shakes. It’s Rambo Mecha. That’s a scary concept.
Another weird fact? Spider-Man’s been to Hope. Yes, there' was a Spider-Man story written and sketched by Todd McFarlane before he quit Marvel Comics and created Image Comics. It was a story about Peter Parker and Wolverine tracking down Wendigo, only to find out the murders he had been pinned with were the work of a serial killer.Yes, Hope is the scene for psychopathic killing spree.
Why does Hope induce this sense of bloodshed and rampant murder? Could it be the old volunteer fuddy-duddies sitting at the side of the road with their radar tracking your speed? This is a hobby in