That's not a gun in my pants, that's a sword in my belt.

LiveJournal Tags: beltswords

Did you know that you can create new invention simply by rearranging words in an existing products? That's what the makers of the belt sword did. It's not a belt for your sword like back in olden days, because that shit doesn't cut it in the 21st Century. This is a new product, featuring revolutionary scrap sheet metal technology. It's a belt that bends around your waist, ready to be released at a moment's notice, or without any notice at all when you bend over to pick up the newspaper and it rips out of it's sheath.

In the realm of concealed weapons: there are swords in canes. Putting a sword in a belt is the next logical step.
Honestly, though, this is the worst thing since sliced bread. First off: why do you need a sword, especially one that's going to break in ten seconds? Is it for self defence? What kind of fucked up fantasy world do you live in where you have to constantly fend off attacks with a sword? Here's what would happen if you ever pulled out a belt sword in public: you'd be killed. Either the guy trying to mug you is going to kill you, (because it takes like 1/2 a second to get over the surprise of someone pulling out a sword, and another 1/8th of a second to squeeze a trigger) or the cops will just shoot you later. You might even kill yourself, because this thing doesn't look safe at all. What are you going to do: just casually kill someone and then put the sword back? You don't think anyone would get suspicious seeing some dude all decapitated (assuming this piece of crap can cut through a neck, or even pierce the skin) and then seeing you all covered in blood? What about a sword-on-sword fight? Your piece of tinfoil isn't going to cut it, Aragorn.

You can't even L.A.R.P. is this thing. Do you think your D.M. is going to allow belt swords? Fuck no.
Do you think you're going to sneak this thing on a plane? You're going to have to take your belt off for the metal detector, and no matter how dumb that lady from security is, she's going to take one look at that belt and cuff you.
Also: Why are you trying to sell sword using trannies?

Are you trying to feature one of the belt swords advantages? Do-it-yourself sex-change operations? Because let me tell you: This sword will cut your dick off. That blade is coming out right above your Doc Johnson and the Boys from Berlin, and it's not going to get along with them. Not at all. You shouldn't be surprised when you're trying to impress your friends in their parent's basement by showing them your new toy, and your dick comes flying off. After all, you're whipping out a piece of razor-sharp sheet metal from around your waist, and you're a bit of a fatty.
What happens if it's Thanksgiving: you've just finished dinner and you're leaning back in your chair and undoing your belt buckle. All of a sudden, your sword springs out of it's own accord and spikes through Aunt Gertrude's eye. Me: I'd play it cool, and ask, "Where the fuck did that sword come from? It must be ninjas!" Then, pretending to fear for my own life, I'd make my escape. Your Cousin Billy saw what happened, though, and he'll have to be dealt with: only, your belt sword is in your Aunt's face. What do you do now, hot shot? What do you do?
Shoot the hostage.