The Worst Movie Ever

We all like to joke about the worst movie ever made. For some, its, “The Room,” for others its, “Bonfire of the Vanities.” Some nerds think, “Transformers,” or, “Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull,” are the worst movies. To me, it’d be, “Dick Tracy,” right up until a few days ago. Now, there’s a unanimous consensus, and the point has become moot. I don’t want to say its name, or post a link to it, because its essentially Mein Kampf for a new generation of bigots. A few good Americans who had nothing to do with the movie were killed in Libya as a result of this movie being released on 9/11. The message. The actors involved in the film apparently had no clue what they were even involved in. Their inflammatory dialogue in the movie was dubbed in post-production.

Which is where the poorer points of the movie really starts. I only watched the trailer for the movie for a few seconds, skipping over huge parts, and not listening to the audio, and already I could tell it was total crap. The green-screen effects were worse than what I saw amateurs do back in high school. Also: I heard it was filmed in Egypt. Why did they need a green-screen for a desert scene if there’s a real desert they could have filmed in, other than the fact that filming in deserts sucks balls? Also, the actor portraying ***** looks more like Jesus Christ, in the minds of white Americans. I mean to say he’s a white guy with a beard. Plus there’s some kind of weird sex stuff going on, and possibly some unshaven cunninglingus. The white dude in the robe is crawling around and under a white woman in a robe’s bare leg, possibly to dive some muff. She’s sitting on a piece of furniture that looks definitely out of place in a period piece. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I’ve never seen, or heard, or fantasized about anyone having sex this way. If it was a photo submission to a blog site, it’d be labelled under, “You’re Doing it Wrong.”

Still, you don’t need my word for it. Violent mobs of people storming embassies really says all that needs to be said. Its the worst reviewed movie of all time. OF ALL TIME. Even Kanye West would agree, if he wasn’t busy being a douche.