Special Agent Oso

Continuing with my examination of Special Agent Oso, I found he has hidden cams inside our children’s bathrooms. In an episode I saw today, he had a flying robot bug watch as a child tried to brush his teeth, and then the robot signalled Oso that the child was alone in the bathroom. That’s creepy.

He’s also trying to confuse our children. In a short cartoon entitled, “Three Healthy Steps,” he explains the three steps to catching a ball… There’s really only one step to catching a ball. You catch it. Congratulations, you graduated son. But no, he elaborates in song the three steps.

Step 1: Put yourself in front of the ball.

Step 2: You catch the ball.

Step 3: Why is there a step three? I think it had something to do with celebrating.

Seriously, all of this was unnecessary. A child isn’t going to learn to catch a ball by watching a video. It’s like when you get a low paying job and your new supervisor puts in a video explaining how to push a button because the corporation you work for thinks you’re the dumbest thing that’s ever lived. There’s only one way to learn how to play catch, and only one correct way of doing it.

I like the fact that many. “Steps,” went into the production of this cartoon, and at no point did anyone say, “This isn’t worth doing. Let’s try something else.” Meaning: Following steps simply doesn’t work.

Also, every time anyone ever mentions, “Steps,” I automatically think of the Underpants Gnomes from South Park.

Step 1: Steal all the underpants.

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Profit!

I also watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Donald Duck was trying to teach a baby duckling how to fly. But it was a real duck, and he’s a cartoon duck. He’s living in a world where there’s lesser evolved animal versions of himself. Wouldn’t that get weird? You could make the argument that monkeys are lesser evolved people, but that’s no quite how it is. We don’t see unmistakable tiny, naked miniature versions of ourselves walking around in nature that are more “real” than we are. Plus, he’s trying to call the ducks by quacking, but he’s not actually quacking, he’s just saying the word, “Quack!” He’s a funny talking duck that always sounds like he’s quacking, but he can’t actually quack. I almost expected him to suddenly reject the human world, take off his clothes, and run wild and free.