Like Jagger

Does anyone in this Generation (Generation X2: X-Men United) know who Mick Jagger is? Because they keep referencing him inappropriately. It’s like that game hipsters play with Smirnoff Ice, only with Jagger. It started with Ke$ha when she “sang” the “lyrics,” “..Kick him to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger,” insinuating that she would only ever give up her tainted meat to someone who looks like this.

…

This is one of the better photos of him. It’s not as if I spent twenty minutes on google image. All I did was type in, “Mick Jagger,” then copy-and-pasted one of the more recent photos. This is a picture of what Ke$ha is into, sexually speaking. People have their kinks, and I’m not going to disrespect that. I’m just saying he’s 100, and he looks his age. I’ve seen mummies that look better preserved than this. If you looked like this, they’d give you a closed casket ceremony. The only reason Jagger still performs with Keith Richards is so he can look younger by comparison. Even back when he was young, and had two functioning hips, he still looked bizarre. He looked like that P.T. Barnum and Bailey’s mermaid exhibit with the monkey sewn onto a fish. His mouth looks like the scene in the Pirate of the Carribean when the Kraken swallowed Jack Sparrow. Or, alternatively: Ke$ha’s girly bits. Ke$ha can almost be forgiven though, as the decisions of a person whom, “brush their teeth with a bottle of Jack,” aren’t necessarily the best.

Now there’s this damn song with the phrase, “Moves like Jagger. I’ve got the moves like Jagger. I’ve got the moo-o-o-oooves like Jagger.”

This is how Jagger moves:

Jagger moves like a hopped up coke-head with no sense of shame, and no remorse. It’s as if his every movement is designed to accentuate just how poor his choice of wardrobe is. There are many musicians that are known for their moves. Michael Jackson immediately comes to mind, and would fit perfectly into the framework of this song, but that’s probably a lawsuit waiting to happen. If you’re not sued by the Jackson estate, you’d be arrested for confessing to pedophilia.

It would seem that these… I don’t know what they are… somehow idolize the man, but care nothing for his work. Jagger has contributed a lot, and it seems like none of his lessons have rubbed off on these new musicians. There’s no correlation between the two. You can’t listen to these songs and think, “This is just a tribute.” I have no idea what to even call this modern genre, except Auto-Tune Pop, or Crap.

Jagger had to snort a lot of coke to get where he is today. I just don’t think these kids have what it takes to be that great.