Droppin’ Bombs

I’m convinced that Japan exists in an alternative timeline. Their version of history seems so different from our own. In their version, for instance, they were innocent bystanders in WWII until they had to defend themselves from the evil invading round-eyes. That may seem like an unwarranted stretch of my imagination to you, but think about how much emphasis they put on their country being hit by the atomic bomb, and how little they think about Pearl Harbour; kamikaze suicide pilots; collaborating with Hitler, the Nazis and the Fascists; and everything they did in China all for the sake of getting a bigger piece of the Imperialist pie. You’d think that after being hit twice by The Bomb, they’d at least know something about the man who did it. Truman may have given the order, but FDR was the man behind the plan.

Fun fact: FDR had Polio. Like, a lot of it. When he wasn’t on crutches, he was in a wheelchair. People didn’t talk about it much back then, because they were “classy.” Those same people would tell Obama to get to the back of the bus before turning the hose on him, though, so fuck them.

When I played Nintendogs 3D this week, I was notified about a Spotpass download for FDR and his dog. They’re running a series in the game on American Presidents of the 20th Century, or something. So far they’ve done Regan and Jimmy Carter and their dogs, despite the fact that Jimmy once shot a dog. It’s kind of odd how they’re doing it. If you’re playing, you’ll occasionally come across Regan as he’s walking his dog, and you’ll go to the park together, or he’ll give you some doggie biscuits as a present. I’m assuming that the Alzheimer's kicking in. The same thing happened with FDR. The game shows him walking around on two legs, which leads me to believe that Nintendogs takes place in heaven, and everyone in the game is actually dead, including you and your dog. That’s some Sixth Sense shit right there.

Then it made me think about how video games discriminate against the handicapped. If you’re playing a game, you never get the option of selecting a wheelchair, or crutches for your avatar. You can’t show your Mii as having only one leg. The closest you can come to representing a handicap is having a pirate eyepatch, and obviously people playing the 3Ds aren’t going to have eyepatches (because of the 3D).

So in conclusion, screw elitist idealized renditions of Japanese history, fuck discrimination against the handicapped, and fuck M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong.