Disambiguating Twitter

LiveJournal Tags: twitter

I’ve been on twitter for a few months now without any real interest. It’s really more of an app than a site, but it’s fast becoming a part of life. With any new site, however, there’s a period of bizarre happenings that turn most people off. Here’s what I’ve noticed:
Twitter differs from other social sites as you are more the hunter than the prey when it comes to spam. You’re not being constantly messaged about dating websites and boner pills, but instead you’re being “followed” by shills using fake profiles. Most of the time, you won’t even know the exist, because they’re not interacting with you directly. It’s only when you delve into your list of followers. Over half of them will be fake. These non-persons are easy to spot, as they’ll be following +1,000 people and have 0 tweets. That’s just lazy, especially considering the average tweet is about coffee selection. As a business model, spam isn’t exactly the way to win over customers. The spammers on twitter are even less effective, as they attempt to lure you in. In order to fall victim, you must first check your list of followers, scroll over their profiles, which will invariably feature a picture of some moderately attractive chick that’s been cut and paste off of another site (I wonder if these chicks ever get spammed by their evil doppelgangers? That’d make a good short story. Note to self: I like Swiss cheese, but not the Swiss.) Their profiles will have a link to a pay site for porn, or some shit. Who knows? The lasting effect of all this is that you may get fifteen new followers a day. A day later, they’ll all be gone, as they’re removed by the moderators. So you’re only as popular as you fit into someone’s demographic.
Another weird thing? Being able to follow a celebrity’s every random thought. I’m not talking about big “C” celebrities, I’m talking about M.C. Hammer and Demi Moore. You want to know what Demi Moore tweets about? It’s like reading a bored 20-year-old stay-at-home’s facebook update. Some of these small “c’s” are as cool as shit, though, like Felicia Day from The Guild. The best part, though, is when two of your random favourites interact with each other. I was reading one my favourite comic book/fantasy authors Neil Gaiman chat with Frances Bean: Kurt Cobain’s daughter. That kind of awesomeness can pull the universe apart, and then out will pop Morpheous wielding a blue guitar. 

Technorati Tags: twitter

Another thing: twittering a compliment/complaint about any business will cause more of a reaction than a bomb threat. Companies care more about these tweets on the internet than actual customers who are physically at their stores. Best Buy is apeshit insane over tweets. I can’t prove if anyone’s ever been fired over a customer tweeting a complaint about an employee, but I bet it’s happened. At my job at Home Depot we have Home Depot “TV” playing in the break room, showing us tweets people have made about our business as if it’s somehow a justification for everything we do. Then they talk about NASCAR, because the head office is in Georgia.
I was just at the liquor store, and in their flyer it’s asking people to follow them on twitter for updates on new sales. …They’re targeting internet nerds and offering them cheap deals on alcohol. They know their customers well.
The most messed up thing I’ve seen lately is a twitter-ladden episode of rerun of Fringe. If you’ve ever watched “Pop-Up-Video” it’s basically the same idea. Tweet boxes pop-up on screen with the cast answering questions and chatting with one another like any other geek on a messenger service. It’s pretty damn distracting, as these boxes take up half the screen, and there’s a lull between tweets. So these stale messages just stay on screen for ten minutes after the scene in question is over. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an interesting idea, but it needs tweaking. The end result is like reading the transcript for a director’s commentary with cast and crew.