'00-'09 R.I.P.

With less than eleventh months in the decade, I'm going to call it: the '00's were the most irrelevant decade for music, ever. No one created any major artistic musical movement or trend, like Grunge or Pop. The only thing that came close was Krunk and EMO, and I don't even want to get into how much those two "genres" suck, and how they're virtually indistinguishable from their Hip-Hop and Pop/Punk counterparts. It's funny too, because we started the decade stealing as much music as we could by illegally downloading it off of Napster, and we ended with illegally downloading it off of bittorrents. With that virtually inexhaustible source of reference, you think someone could have cobbled something together and called it, "new," but it didn't happen. In fact, everyone tried to keep it as ol' school as possible by going back to basics. Any band that tried to go in a new direction were criticized roughly until they gave in and went back to their old material. Think: Metallica.

The only thing that changed about music was how we listened to it. Instead of radio, we listened to satellite radio. What's the difference? Satellite radio isn't free. Way to go, geniuses. Why not pay a monthly subscription for what you already have for free at the flick of a dial? Instead of walkmans, or CD walkmans, we had iPods, which can hold more CDs than you can possibly fit in your crappy little apartment, thus eliminating the need for CDs. Hence, CD and record stores are becoming defunct. Walk into an HMV today and the "M" doesn't mean as much any more as the "V."

The weirdest change in music, however, was the fact that people became obsessed with "playing" musical instruments, if you consider a plastic guitar a musical instrument. People were willing to pay half the price of their gaming systems to buy cheap plastic novelty toys that they can use in synch with glowing lights flashing across a screen, and then consider themselves rockers. And they were willing to buy albums online they could only ever listen to in-game, so they never have to leave their basements. They can just keep "rocking out," until they lose all connection with the real world.

And the Monkees made a come-back, in the form of Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers, proving once again that teenage girls have no taste. To all the dads forced to take their daughters to see these shows: congratulations: you've allowed yourself to be emasculated by the Disney corporation, and your daughter will still grow up to hate you.

Also, MTV stopped playing music videos altogether. Now it's all shows about Tila Tequila trying to get laid and rich white bitches. What does that have to do with music? NOTHING. So stop calling yourself, "MTV." People decided they'd rather watch music videos on youtube, before they're yanked off by moderators.

So fuck you '00's, you've done nothing, much like the Presidency of George W. Bush, which I was forced to listen to hippie-bullshit musicians bitch about in song after song.