Time may have erased our memories, but I expect most people will find themselves remembering just how terrible Jimmy Fallon is come this Monday with the premier of, Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. In a long history of Weekend Update on SNL, Jimmy Fallon ranked somewhere in between Collin Quinn and Dennis Miller. I say, "In between," because I can't decide which of those two is worse. Remember how no-name Tina Fey had to back him up as his co-host, because he couldn't handle the enormous responsibility of reading off cue cards on his own without having a giggling fit? The saddest thing is that there actually exists a, "Best of Jimmy Fallon" DVD. Seeing that on the shelves next to Chris Farley and Phil Hartman makes me want to puke.
For some reason, people thought he'd go on to be a big sensation like Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, or Will Ferrel, all of whom have made terrible, terrible movies, repeatedly, and without apology. Arguably, they haven't made any movie as bad as, "Taxi," in which he plays "the dude," next to Queen Latifa's straight-up gangsta bitch taxi-driver, with her pimped out ghetto taxi. His movie credits after that fiasco seemed to dwindle.
He even released a comedy album he sings on, in the highest voice imaginable. I don't think you could even find it in the bargain bin selection. Remember how Adam Sandler put out hilarious albums people use to play at parties, or even the new Incredibad album? This wasn't it.
Then again, in a world with Jimmy Kimmel, is he really the worst choice? At least he has some hosting experience. Conan O'Brien's biggest credit before becoming a host was writing a couple episodes for The Simpsons.
In other news, Ed McMahon contracted bone cancer right before Conan O'Brien takes over the Tonight Show. Is he trying to tell us something?
Late-Night TV is dead to me anyway. I can't stay up that late anymore, and even if I do, I usually watch The Daily Show or the Colbert Report. I can barely make it to the end of SNL anymore, not like there's a lot of incentive for me to do that anyway.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
You're All Kinds of Pissing Me Off
It's snowing today. It's practically Spring, and it's snowing. That's a bunch of bullshit.
What really pisses me off, though, is today is Anti-Bullying Day, where children are encouraged to wear pink to school to take a stand against bullies, who will laugh and harass them for wearing pink. Let me get this straight: you're using peer-pressure to get kids to take part in some bullshit campaign, plus they have to wear a certain colour to show their solidarity, you know, like a fucking gang? What happens if a kid doesn't want to wear pink? Are they ostracized? Do you beat them up? You want to stop bullying? Make it, "Take a Gun to School Day." Level that playing-field out a little. It'll work so long as EVERYONE has a gun. If a child can't provide a gun for themselves, a gun will be provided for them, because no child should be left behind. It'll be part of a larger, "Guns for Tots," program.
On a different subject, since Hugh Jackman tells me, "The musical is back," I had an idea for a musical myself: "High School Shooting Musical."
Seriously, how is wearing pink supposed to stop bullying? Say there actually is some kid who's being bullied, and wants to take part, but his dad catches him trying to wear pink to school and beats the shit out of him for being a little sissy fairy? So he has to borrow a pink shirt from a friend at school, and his bully comes into the bathroom while he's changing, pushes him down, calls him a, "Fag," and flushes the shirt down the toilet, so his friend gets upset with him, and then the kid gets blamed for clogging the toilet and he has to go to the principal's office. Then his dad beats the shit out of him again when he gets home for getting into trouble at school, 'cause that shit could happen.
You know the other thing pissing me off, this new, "Not all bugs need drugs," P.S.A. they're trying to pass off to kids to keep them from becoming germaphobes. They want people to stop using anti-bacterial soap, cleaners, etc., because it's supposedly creating Superbugs. They're targeting little kids, though, so they're trying to program them from a young age to become human germ cultures. Seriously though, fuck you. I've been sick now for 14 days. If I find out that it's because someone didn't use some Lysol, I'm going to lose it. You know who the Superbugs are going to kill when they come? The ones not using antibacterial cleansers. You don't need an immunity if the germs never reach you.
What really pisses me off, though, is today is Anti-Bullying Day, where children are encouraged to wear pink to school to take a stand against bullies, who will laugh and harass them for wearing pink. Let me get this straight: you're using peer-pressure to get kids to take part in some bullshit campaign, plus they have to wear a certain colour to show their solidarity, you know, like a fucking gang? What happens if a kid doesn't want to wear pink? Are they ostracized? Do you beat them up? You want to stop bullying? Make it, "Take a Gun to School Day." Level that playing-field out a little. It'll work so long as EVERYONE has a gun. If a child can't provide a gun for themselves, a gun will be provided for them, because no child should be left behind. It'll be part of a larger, "Guns for Tots," program.
On a different subject, since Hugh Jackman tells me, "The musical is back," I had an idea for a musical myself: "High School Shooting Musical."
Seriously, how is wearing pink supposed to stop bullying? Say there actually is some kid who's being bullied, and wants to take part, but his dad catches him trying to wear pink to school and beats the shit out of him for being a little sissy fairy? So he has to borrow a pink shirt from a friend at school, and his bully comes into the bathroom while he's changing, pushes him down, calls him a, "Fag," and flushes the shirt down the toilet, so his friend gets upset with him, and then the kid gets blamed for clogging the toilet and he has to go to the principal's office. Then his dad beats the shit out of him again when he gets home for getting into trouble at school, 'cause that shit could happen.
You know the other thing pissing me off, this new, "Not all bugs need drugs," P.S.A. they're trying to pass off to kids to keep them from becoming germaphobes. They want people to stop using anti-bacterial soap, cleaners, etc., because it's supposedly creating Superbugs. They're targeting little kids, though, so they're trying to program them from a young age to become human germ cultures. Seriously though, fuck you. I've been sick now for 14 days. If I find out that it's because someone didn't use some Lysol, I'm going to lose it. You know who the Superbugs are going to kill when they come? The ones not using antibacterial cleansers. You don't need an immunity if the germs never reach you.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Hollywood Handjobs
So the Oscars were last night, and once again they featured movies no one went to see or care about. "Slumdog Millionaire" won Best Picture, which is ironic, since I think it made a million dollars at the box office, tops. The only nomination anyone cared about was if Heath Ledger for Best Supporting Actor for acting like a strung out drug addict. (What a stretch!) He won, but what's the point? What's more pointless that a posthumous award? It's not like he can bask in his success with his traditional pill-popping. He's fucking dead. Why kiss someone's ass if it's already rotting in the ground? I think Heath's more enduring legacy will be the phrase, "Pulling a Ledger," when someone O.D.s on Nyquil and Tylenol.
What about Mickey Rourke? Did he actually think he was going to win? I say this ironically, because he was damn sure of it. Sean Penn even had to mention him him his speech so he wouldn't cry. "The Wrestler?" Mickey thought he deserved Oscar gold for a role better suited to the Ultimate Warrior. Seriously, Macho Man Randy Savage could have done that movie. The only difference is, I would have paid to see Macho Man. You can be certain the Macho Man would have a better acceptance speech than Mickey Rourke. "Step into a Slim Jim, ooooooh yeah!" then he would have elbow-dropped Anthony Hopkins. Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman would be powerless against him, because we all know he can only be defeated by Spider-Man.
The most pathetic thing is how I had to read about his Chihuahua dying a few days before, meaning I was supposed to be sad and say, "Oh, I hope he wins now. Only Oscar can heal his heart." Instead, I was, "Who the fuck is Mickey Rourke? If I have to be reminded who you are, you're not A-list. Also, "What kind of man has a Paris Hilton dog?"
I love the fact they kept taking about how it was Meryl Streep's 15th Oscar nomination, and they kept kissing her ass, and they sat her at the very front of the audience, and she fucking lost. They cut their cameras away too fast after declaring the winners, so you didn't get to see their hateful reactions.
Also: why the fuck is Wolverine singing and dancing? Don't fucking do that again, ever. The musical is not back, despite your musical number saying it is.
What about Mickey Rourke? Did he actually think he was going to win? I say this ironically, because he was damn sure of it. Sean Penn even had to mention him him his speech so he wouldn't cry. "The Wrestler?" Mickey thought he deserved Oscar gold for a role better suited to the Ultimate Warrior. Seriously, Macho Man Randy Savage could have done that movie. The only difference is, I would have paid to see Macho Man. You can be certain the Macho Man would have a better acceptance speech than Mickey Rourke. "Step into a Slim Jim, ooooooh yeah!" then he would have elbow-dropped Anthony Hopkins. Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman would be powerless against him, because we all know he can only be defeated by Spider-Man.
The most pathetic thing is how I had to read about his Chihuahua dying a few days before, meaning I was supposed to be sad and say, "Oh, I hope he wins now. Only Oscar can heal his heart." Instead, I was, "Who the fuck is Mickey Rourke? If I have to be reminded who you are, you're not A-list. Also, "What kind of man has a Paris Hilton dog?"
I love the fact they kept taking about how it was Meryl Streep's 15th Oscar nomination, and they kept kissing her ass, and they sat her at the very front of the audience, and she fucking lost. They cut their cameras away too fast after declaring the winners, so you didn't get to see their hateful reactions.
Also: why the fuck is Wolverine singing and dancing? Don't fucking do that again, ever. The musical is not back, despite your musical number saying it is.
'00-'09 R.I.P.
With less than eleventh months in the decade, I'm going to call it: the '00's were the most irrelevant decade for music, ever. No one created any major artistic musical movement or trend, like Grunge or Pop. The only thing that came close was Krunk and EMO, and I don't even want to get into how much those two "genres" suck, and how they're virtually indistinguishable from their Hip-Hop and Pop/Punk counterparts. It's funny too, because we started the decade stealing as much music as we could by illegally downloading it off of Napster, and we ended with illegally downloading it off of bittorrents. With that virtually inexhaustible source of reference, you think someone could have cobbled something together and called it, "new," but it didn't happen. In fact, everyone tried to keep it as ol' school as possible by going back to basics. Any band that tried to go in a new direction were criticized roughly until they gave in and went back to their old material. Think: Metallica.
The only thing that changed about music was how we listened to it. Instead of radio, we listened to satellite radio. What's the difference? Satellite radio isn't free. Way to go, geniuses. Why not pay a monthly subscription for what you already have for free at the flick of a dial? Instead of walkmans, or CD walkmans, we had iPods, which can hold more CDs than you can possibly fit in your crappy little apartment, thus eliminating the need for CDs. Hence, CD and record stores are becoming defunct. Walk into an HMV today and the "M" doesn't mean as much any more as the "V."
The weirdest change in music, however, was the fact that people became obsessed with "playing" musical instruments, if you consider a plastic guitar a musical instrument. People were willing to pay half the price of their gaming systems to buy cheap plastic novelty toys that they can use in synch with glowing lights flashing across a screen, and then consider themselves rockers. And they were willing to buy albums online they could only ever listen to in-game, so they never have to leave their basements. They can just keep "rocking out," until they lose all connection with the real world.
And the Monkees made a come-back, in the form of Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers, proving once again that teenage girls have no taste. To all the dads forced to take their daughters to see these shows: congratulations: you've allowed yourself to be emasculated by the Disney corporation, and your daughter will still grow up to hate you.
Also, MTV stopped playing music videos altogether. Now it's all shows about Tila Tequila trying to get laid and rich white bitches. What does that have to do with music? NOTHING. So stop calling yourself, "MTV." People decided they'd rather watch music videos on youtube, before they're yanked off by moderators.
So fuck you '00's, you've done nothing, much like the Presidency of George W. Bush, which I was forced to listen to hippie-bullshit musicians bitch about in song after song.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
It'll make you go from: "Damn, I'm Lost," to: "Lost and Damned."
I just finished playing the, "Lost and Damned," Xbox 360 exclusive downloadable content game add-on, or "episode," for GTA IV. In it, you play as a Jewish biker, Johnny Klebbitz, (I don't fucking care how it's spelt,) who appears in a couple of cut-scenes in the original GTA IV game. When Johnny showed up in the game, it usually meant that Niko was going to have to shoot his way through about hundred or so gangsters or F.B.I. agents just so he could call his employer back and tell them, "I don't have the money." The add-on game ties in with the real game for these cut-scenes, and in fact reuses them. For these overlapping missions, Johnny's basically going the opposite direction as Niko. If Niko's going to the roof, Johnny's going to the street.
Mostly, though, you just get in fights with other biker gangs, or hang out with some rough-rider buddies. Johnny doesn't seem to be able to take as much damage as old Niko does, however, so there's the ever-present spectre of the headshot-kill, only you're on the receiving end. I can't count the number of times I tried making a break from the police only to see my health meter deplete from about half to zero and have Johnny go flying off the back of his bike in black-and-white slow motion because some cop got a lucky shot off. Meanwhile, using any weapon aside from the heaviest shot-gun, or carbine rifle, means having to spend about forty-bullets per kill. Even blowing up a conveniently placed oil drum right next to your target doesn't guarantee you've put them down. I got better kills with stray bullets than using their auto-targeting system.
They did beef up some of the weapons. The combat shotgun in the game is brutal, and they added a grenade launcher, which is handy for blowing up cars. Like I said, though, huge explosions don't tend to kill everyone, so when I went in to finish a kill, I'd be hit by the secondary chain explosion of the car-next-to-the-car blowing up. That was fun.
One of the most annoying missions is one where you're using a heavy shot-gun on the back of a motorcycle while being chased by every police officer in the city. So you have to blow up all these cars, but you have no way to defend yourself in the meantime. So you're watching huge chunks of your health just fade away. I died about ten times doing that one.
The plot to the game is pretty hectic. Basically, your biker gang leader gets out of jail/rehab and starts acting like an asshole, then he gets arrested again and you get blamed. So you end up killing over half of your own gang, There's a memorial on the wall of the biker clubhouse for every member who dies. When the game starts, there's one dude up there. After it's over, the whole wall is full. Then you burn the place down, which is a shame because there were strippers in there.
You have your own special bike, too, but I lost mine after about the seventh mission, and when it's gone, it's gone. I didn't even wreck it. I just had to leave it behind to take another vehicle.
One of the weird things is that it goes into a lot more depth to this one character who appears in one or two cut scenes in the original GTA IV, Ashley, who's this crackhead hanging out with Ray Boccino.
Considering it was jut a game-add-on, it was longer than I expected, but still pretty short. I finished with only 68% of the game complete, so I'm guessing the rest is the Gang War and race missions, which are bull-shit anyway.
Mostly, though, you just get in fights with other biker gangs, or hang out with some rough-rider buddies. Johnny doesn't seem to be able to take as much damage as old Niko does, however, so there's the ever-present spectre of the headshot-kill, only you're on the receiving end. I can't count the number of times I tried making a break from the police only to see my health meter deplete from about half to zero and have Johnny go flying off the back of his bike in black-and-white slow motion because some cop got a lucky shot off. Meanwhile, using any weapon aside from the heaviest shot-gun, or carbine rifle, means having to spend about forty-bullets per kill. Even blowing up a conveniently placed oil drum right next to your target doesn't guarantee you've put them down. I got better kills with stray bullets than using their auto-targeting system.
They did beef up some of the weapons. The combat shotgun in the game is brutal, and they added a grenade launcher, which is handy for blowing up cars. Like I said, though, huge explosions don't tend to kill everyone, so when I went in to finish a kill, I'd be hit by the secondary chain explosion of the car-next-to-the-car blowing up. That was fun.
One of the most annoying missions is one where you're using a heavy shot-gun on the back of a motorcycle while being chased by every police officer in the city. So you have to blow up all these cars, but you have no way to defend yourself in the meantime. So you're watching huge chunks of your health just fade away. I died about ten times doing that one.
The plot to the game is pretty hectic. Basically, your biker gang leader gets out of jail/rehab and starts acting like an asshole, then he gets arrested again and you get blamed. So you end up killing over half of your own gang, There's a memorial on the wall of the biker clubhouse for every member who dies. When the game starts, there's one dude up there. After it's over, the whole wall is full. Then you burn the place down, which is a shame because there were strippers in there.
You have your own special bike, too, but I lost mine after about the seventh mission, and when it's gone, it's gone. I didn't even wreck it. I just had to leave it behind to take another vehicle.
One of the weird things is that it goes into a lot more depth to this one character who appears in one or two cut scenes in the original GTA IV, Ashley, who's this crackhead hanging out with Ray Boccino.
Considering it was jut a game-add-on, it was longer than I expected, but still pretty short. I finished with only 68% of the game complete, so I'm guessing the rest is the Gang War and race missions, which are bull-shit anyway.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Areas of my Expertise
Have they fucked a mermaid?
Batman: No.
Superman: Yes.
Spider-Man: No
Wolverine: Yes.
Batman: No.
Superman: Yes.
Spider-Man: No
Wolverine: Yes.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Fuck Yeah!
In today's times of crumbling economic infrastructure, it's good to know that two bucks can still buy you something amazingly awesome. How awesome? THIS awesome:
That's the mother-fucking Planet Hulk Gladiator Hulk and Silver Savage, as adorable kid's toys, for two fucking bucks CANADIAN. "Why is this so awesome?" you might ask, and I might kick you in the nuts for it. Because it depicts the Incredible Hulk and the Silver Surfer as slaves forced to fight to the death in a gladiator pit on a God-forsaken alien planet, and it's being marketed to children who've never so much as picked up a Hulk comic before. These figures can only be appreciated in the context of someone who's read Planet Hulk, and that sure isn't Billy Turner, your average five-year old asshole who didn't see the movie, let alone read the comics. If he brought these to the playground, he'd get shit-kicked, but they're perfect for my desk.
I've been going to Wal-Mart for weeks now and finding awesome deals like this as they clear out their not-so-old crap. I bought five Incredibly Hulk movie figures for $4.94 apiece, a Joker and a Batman from the Dark Knight for $3.94 apiece, and another Batman for only $2.00. After buying Marvel Legends and DC Direct for so long, I have a deeper appreciation for action figures that are heavy on the action. I missed toys that would shoot missiles. The Joke has a bazooka that shoots a boxing-glove missile a ridiculous 12ft, and looks nothing like Heath Ledger. My Eric Bana look-alike Hulk throws a fucking boulder which then splits apart. Another Hulk with an unseemingly small head has a chest that glows green, and it's bright enough to substitute for a flashlight. Can your Dr.Strange Marvel Legends figure do that? I DIDN'T FUCKING THINK SO.
That's the mother-fucking Planet Hulk Gladiator Hulk and Silver Savage, as adorable kid's toys, for two fucking bucks CANADIAN. "Why is this so awesome?" you might ask, and I might kick you in the nuts for it. Because it depicts the Incredible Hulk and the Silver Surfer as slaves forced to fight to the death in a gladiator pit on a God-forsaken alien planet, and it's being marketed to children who've never so much as picked up a Hulk comic before. These figures can only be appreciated in the context of someone who's read Planet Hulk, and that sure isn't Billy Turner, your average five-year old asshole who didn't see the movie, let alone read the comics. If he brought these to the playground, he'd get shit-kicked, but they're perfect for my desk.
I've been going to Wal-Mart for weeks now and finding awesome deals like this as they clear out their not-so-old crap. I bought five Incredibly Hulk movie figures for $4.94 apiece, a Joker and a Batman from the Dark Knight for $3.94 apiece, and another Batman for only $2.00. After buying Marvel Legends and DC Direct for so long, I have a deeper appreciation for action figures that are heavy on the action. I missed toys that would shoot missiles. The Joke has a bazooka that shoots a boxing-glove missile a ridiculous 12ft, and looks nothing like Heath Ledger. My Eric Bana look-alike Hulk throws a fucking boulder which then splits apart. Another Hulk with an unseemingly small head has a chest that glows green, and it's bright enough to substitute for a flashlight. Can your Dr.Strange Marvel Legends figure do that? I DIDN'T FUCKING THINK SO.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Aha!
Today's Penny-Arcade comic made me realize one of the reasons why Penny-Arcade is so popular, beyond the gaming references and poop-jokes. No, it's because there's a full-page blog explaining the concept behind the comic itself, along with a forum page and the occasional podcast, which without the jokes would barely make sense if not for the word, "Fuck." I was reminded of this mainly because the comic makes no sense by itself. There's three panels. Panel One: a man is dragging a PS3 by a rope. Panel Two: A man wearing a Killzone-style mask is dressed like Moses, holding his hands aloft. I recognize this mask only because I was one of the few people playing Killzone on my PS2, while normal human beings with Xboxes were playing Halo.
Both games are highly overrated, in my opinion. I only recently purchased Halo and Halo 3, and have only played them sparingly. I think I've played less than an hour combined. It's a first-person shooter in which you can't aim properly at your intended target because you have no zoom or scope, plus your enemy has a fucking force-field all the fucking time, so you can shoot them point-blank in the fucking face fifty times, and nothing will happen. It's like the game has a glitch, only it's an integral part of the game design. Killzone and Halo 3 are completely similar in that the online matches rely entirely on the participants making a mad-dash to the level's secret weapons cache and then blowing the enemy away with ridiculously overpowered guns. Skill is determined by how fast you can find these weapons and how long you can keep them. It's kind of opposite to other online shooters like SoCom and Call of Duty, where you go into the match with pre-determined weapons, and the game because more about vantage point.
Panel Three: The same character throws red-ringed XBox 360s into a pile.
The joke?
It's in there, somewhere, but you'll have to read three paragraphs at least and click on two hyperlinks and watch a youtube video to understand it. This is comedy in the 21st Century.
This is a common occurrence for Penny-Arcade, and it would probably be difficult for most new readers to get into the series based on it. You have to understand that usually the new comic will go up first, and then about four hours later there'll be the integral news story behind it. You usually have to read the entire story before clicking on the comic link, which is why the front-page will always be the news post. Some people might not even realize that Penny-Arcade IS a comic from their site-layout.
But I like the idea of there being a reference to draw off of. Imagine how much better Far Side by Gary Larson would have been if someone had fucking explained it to you. "Okay, there's a snake in a spaceship, right? And it's trying to abduct these cows, which are running on two legs. Hmm... You should just smile and nod your head." I personally always get pissed off at political cartoons that reference news stories from eight days prior that were buried in the back of the paper, and there's no other source to draw on to understand what you're looking at. "Okay, there's this guy with big teeth in a suit, and he's riding backwards on a donkey, and Obama is laughing at him. Also, Obama is dressed like Mohamed and holding a bomb. Hmm... This could be trouble." It's like listening to Dennis Leary's stand-up: it makes you feel stupid for not immediately recognizing the most abstract and elusive reference.
Family Guy is starting to lose most of it's appeal based on this kind of referencing. It like watching a movie-trivia quiz show now more than a cartoon. I can get about 95% of the references off the bat, but some take months, if not years, for me to acquire. I always wished that somewhere on the DVDs, such as in the commentary section, they'd elaborate and explain which movie or TV show they're quoting, but often the writers and creators are just as confused. "I don't remember which, but it was definitely from some 80's movie," I've head them say.
MADDENING.
Both games are highly overrated, in my opinion. I only recently purchased Halo and Halo 3, and have only played them sparingly. I think I've played less than an hour combined. It's a first-person shooter in which you can't aim properly at your intended target because you have no zoom or scope, plus your enemy has a fucking force-field all the fucking time, so you can shoot them point-blank in the fucking face fifty times, and nothing will happen. It's like the game has a glitch, only it's an integral part of the game design. Killzone and Halo 3 are completely similar in that the online matches rely entirely on the participants making a mad-dash to the level's secret weapons cache and then blowing the enemy away with ridiculously overpowered guns. Skill is determined by how fast you can find these weapons and how long you can keep them. It's kind of opposite to other online shooters like SoCom and Call of Duty, where you go into the match with pre-determined weapons, and the game because more about vantage point.
Panel Three: The same character throws red-ringed XBox 360s into a pile.
The joke?
It's in there, somewhere, but you'll have to read three paragraphs at least and click on two hyperlinks and watch a youtube video to understand it. This is comedy in the 21st Century.
This is a common occurrence for Penny-Arcade, and it would probably be difficult for most new readers to get into the series based on it. You have to understand that usually the new comic will go up first, and then about four hours later there'll be the integral news story behind it. You usually have to read the entire story before clicking on the comic link, which is why the front-page will always be the news post. Some people might not even realize that Penny-Arcade IS a comic from their site-layout.
But I like the idea of there being a reference to draw off of. Imagine how much better Far Side by Gary Larson would have been if someone had fucking explained it to you. "Okay, there's a snake in a spaceship, right? And it's trying to abduct these cows, which are running on two legs. Hmm... You should just smile and nod your head." I personally always get pissed off at political cartoons that reference news stories from eight days prior that were buried in the back of the paper, and there's no other source to draw on to understand what you're looking at. "Okay, there's this guy with big teeth in a suit, and he's riding backwards on a donkey, and Obama is laughing at him. Also, Obama is dressed like Mohamed and holding a bomb. Hmm... This could be trouble." It's like listening to Dennis Leary's stand-up: it makes you feel stupid for not immediately recognizing the most abstract and elusive reference.
Family Guy is starting to lose most of it's appeal based on this kind of referencing. It like watching a movie-trivia quiz show now more than a cartoon. I can get about 95% of the references off the bat, but some take months, if not years, for me to acquire. I always wished that somewhere on the DVDs, such as in the commentary section, they'd elaborate and explain which movie or TV show they're quoting, but often the writers and creators are just as confused. "I don't remember which, but it was definitely from some 80's movie," I've head them say.
MADDENING.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Islam Light: Same Great Taste, Less Calories.
Why am I just learning about this, and why do I have to hear it from Penny-Arcade? Is a webcomic about how crappy video games are my best new source in this day and age? A woman claims her daughter's talking baby doll and Nintendo DS both contain the message, "Islam is the light," and she's completely outraged. If they were saying, "Jesus is Lord," I suspect they'd already have a shrine erected with worshippers in the thousands flocking to catch a sight of the sacred idols and rub their leprous wounds on them in the hopes that they will be cured. No one's claiming it's some sort of Islamic terrorist conspiracy, but the subtext basically screams it. In Obamerica, (TRADEMARKED!) people write their racial slurs between the lines instead of on the walls of synagogues.
There's always been urban myths about talking toys like the Cabbage Patch Kids or Spider-Man action figures saying Satanic messages. It's a nice change of pace for a doll to give a positive message about a respected religion, except it's being treated as though it were just as evil because it's not about Jesus. Why shouldn't there be Islamic-based toys, save for the reason that it will outrage Islamic extremists and Bible-thumpers alike? A Mohamed action figure could likely bring about World War III jihad-style, even if it came equipped with a convertible that transforms into a helicopter and rocket launchers. Jesus could ride shot-gun, with a shot-gun, and they could fight crime Miami Vice style.
There's so many differences between Christians and Islam that I don't see any reconciliation in the form of hot-shot detective partner action figures. One group thrives on tacky religious souvenirs like dashboard-mounted Virgin Mary bobble-heads, and the other rejects all forms of commercialism, and even cartoon depictions of their Prophet. If only they would sell-out, we could have a free market where Mohamed holographic place-mats were the norm. Think of all the money the Chinese could make selling their junk to the Middle-East!
So if you're calling for a boycott on toys bearing the message, "Islam is the light," and start burning them in public squares, regardless of the toxic fumes being emitted, does that mean you don't think Islam is the light? Are you anti-Islam. Better tread lightly, outraged mothers of America. Osama could put a jihad on you. Al-Queda will suicide bomb your Tupperware parties.
There's always been urban myths about talking toys like the Cabbage Patch Kids or Spider-Man action figures saying Satanic messages. It's a nice change of pace for a doll to give a positive message about a respected religion, except it's being treated as though it were just as evil because it's not about Jesus. Why shouldn't there be Islamic-based toys, save for the reason that it will outrage Islamic extremists and Bible-thumpers alike? A Mohamed action figure could likely bring about World War III jihad-style, even if it came equipped with a convertible that transforms into a helicopter and rocket launchers. Jesus could ride shot-gun, with a shot-gun, and they could fight crime Miami Vice style.
There's so many differences between Christians and Islam that I don't see any reconciliation in the form of hot-shot detective partner action figures. One group thrives on tacky religious souvenirs like dashboard-mounted Virgin Mary bobble-heads, and the other rejects all forms of commercialism, and even cartoon depictions of their Prophet. If only they would sell-out, we could have a free market where Mohamed holographic place-mats were the norm. Think of all the money the Chinese could make selling their junk to the Middle-East!
So if you're calling for a boycott on toys bearing the message, "Islam is the light," and start burning them in public squares, regardless of the toxic fumes being emitted, does that mean you don't think Islam is the light? Are you anti-Islam. Better tread lightly, outraged mothers of America. Osama could put a jihad on you. Al-Queda will suicide bomb your Tupperware parties.
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