King of Nerds

 

Okay, so I've posted a comment over at toplessrobot.com on the subject of most glaring lack of technology in science-fiction. My entry was this:

Strangeman said:

I'd have to say it's the near total lack of seatbelts in the entirety of the Star Trek Universe. At least every episode there's a battle scene where everyone gets thrown from their chairs, sometimes to their own deaths. So every time there's a red alert, everyone has to go to their battle stations. What these stations don't include, however, are seatbelts. So here you are, a human pinball in front of a hard, unforgiving computer terminal that for whatever reason is powered by dynamite that'll explode at the smallest impact, and you have no safety aparatus whatsoever. Why? Would it have cost too much to instal them? You could go to the replicator and make your own, but then Worf or someone would come by and throw you in the brig for violating ship rules.
And what about Worf? He doesn't even get a chair. There he is, at the back of the proverbial bus, and there's no chair. So he's on his feet pretty much 24/7 staring at the back of Picard's chrome dome, while there's a tireless android up front, sitting in a chair. Is it because he black/Kligon? I think so.
I could just imagine someone like Wesley Crusher trying to pitch the idea of seatbelts to the Captain, and being shot down.
Wesley: "Think of all the lives they'd save!"
Picard: "Ridiculous! How would we ever get out?" Picard would reply.
Wesley: "Well, they have buckles on them that... unbuckle."
Picard: "Wesley, just because I'm trying to nail your mother doesn't mean I'm going to put up with your shit."
Mr.Belvedere: "Oh Wesley." *laugh track*

Posted 12/19/2008 at 12:35:53 PM

Now: I'm dealing with nerds here, so of course I expect a rebuteal. I've prepared for it in fact within my comment. This is one of the many comments I receive in response:

Lizana said:

Yes, seat belts in star trek... oh wait they do exist, they were added in in Star Trek: The Motion Picture. And the idea behind seat belts isnt needed unless your on a battle cruiser. Normally, inertial dampaners work so well that you would never need any sort of seat belt or restraint. However, the computers that run them have a slight delay. As long as you are doing something that is programmed into the computer ahead of time, like a predetermined course, even the most complex of turns can be compensated for. However, in battle, you literally have to take the wheel, and moves can't be predetermined, so the ship shakes and people fall over. And, of course, you can't predict getting hit by a photon torpedo. Now, normally you wouldn't be getting into a firefight every freakin' week, so there's no reason to worry about restraints Installing seat belts in a star ship would be like asking you to wear a helmet when your driving your car. Could save lives but still a stupid idea

Posted 12/21/2008 at 11:23:02 AM

Now: read back to my comment about seatbelts. Notice how I say, "near total lack," "NEAR." Why did I write this? Because first I'm certain at some point there was a seatbelt in Star Trek. In one of the movies, most likely. Kirk tries to get the seatbelt strapped around his waist and finally gives up because he's too damn fat. I don't have the time to go back through every TV show, movie, and novel to find a reference. Other people do, however, and they will call me on it.

So these people have the time, the energy, and the focus to find a split-second reference in a over a hundred hours of TV episodes, even if it's just the reflection in Odo's glass as he takes a drink at Quark's. What they can't find, however, is a word I so cleverly inserted into the first line of my sentence. It's not like it's on page fifty in the margin. No, it's in my, "Call me Ishmael," line.

While they argue that seatbelts are completely unnecessary, because of all the technology involved, they fail to mention that this technology is precisely why seatbelts are needed, because EVERY episode, someone goes flying across the floor because all the future technology crapped out on them. I'll say EVERY episode of EVERY Star Trek series, even though I know it to be false because that's how often it happens.

Imagine this: you're a classically trained Shakespearean actor. You've given up on your dreams and you're in a Star Trek series. Every day, you have to come in, and pretend that you're in a giant space ship and that the floor is moving violently beneath your feet. Every day, more than once, because you failed the first take. Patrick Stewart didn't overact his imaginary fall, so you have to shoot it again.

Or you're an extra. You're wearing a red shirt. You're sitting in front of computer terminal. It explodes, because a photon torpedo hit the ship, five hundred feet from where you're sitting. The computer terminal is not connected to this part of the ship in any way, and there's layer upon layer of sturdy, reliable space metal in between you and this explosion. You go flying like you're a leaf in a tornado.

This is what life is like in Star Trek.

I want to be the Ralph Nader of the future. I want to be the one to say, "Hey, people are getting hurt. Put some seatbelts on those chairs, and quit filling the computer screens with nitro glycerin."