I Threw it on the Ground

Every time there’s a new “i” device, some yahoos on youtube start making videos of themselves throwing it on the ground. Sometimes it’s to “test” them, other times it’s to test the people lined up to buy the device. Their allegiances are typically quite clear. If it’s an iPad, it’s an Android fan doing it. If it’s a Xbox, it’s a Playstation fanboy doing it. They’re wasting hundreds of dollars for hundreds of thousands of views to their channel. In a way, their investment makes sense.

The result of these videos is difficult to ascertain. It’s not quite comedy, and it’s not quite informative, or scientific. Obviously if you drop something hard enough, you’ll break it.

These people are essentially bullies kicking over sandcastles. In a way, though, it’s poetic. The lifespan of these devices is measures in months at the smallest. Apple comes out with a newer, better, more fashionable product in less than a year. The shelf-life of a computer system is three to five years. In the end, they’re forgotten and discarded. Breaking it out of the box is only expediting the process. The comments are always, “Why would you do this?” or a snarky comment about how the commentator is so cool for owning a rival brand.

The other strange youtube phenomenon is, “Unboxing,” where users take exceptionally long videos of themselves literally unboxing a new product. The experience is pornographic for some, but utterly unnecessary. Every must-have product has countless pictures, videos and descriptions from the horse’s mouth long before it ever makes it to the shelf. Unboxing is only the realization of the hype, even though it shouldn’t be. The unboxer is always dedicated to the product, and their commentary will always be positive. If they weren’t a fan of the product, they’d be doing a, “Will it blend?” video instead. I wondered who these kinds of videos appeal to? Obviously if you’re bursting at the seams with anticipation for a product, you’d be waiting in line like all the other drones to buy it. Why would you sit around at home or at the office watching someone unbox something you could easily go out and buy yourself? Have you ever watched someone open presents at a birthday party or wedding? It’s excruciating. At my sister’s wedding I almost passed out from sheer, maddening boredom watching her and her husband open up toaster ovens and china sets for hours, while family and friends commented on the products. “That’s got three settings!” It’s better to give than to receive, but watching someone else receive is like watching them eat a bowl of cereal. Yes, they’re enjoying it, because they’re suppose to. It’s only interesting if they flip out and throw a fit because they didn’t get what they wanted, like when Eric Cartman didn’t get the Red Megaman.

In a way, these two video themes are like snuff films and porn for boring people.