Zombie-Fic

Having avoided the bookstore due to a general disassociation with the lower forms of literature I once loved and a lifestyle that affords me less time to pursue such endeavours, I happened to discover that a new genre has emerge in my long absence. That genre is zombie fiction, a subgroup of the horror genre, but due to the increase in volume is fast becoming a genre unto itself.
I had gone to the bookstore specifically looking for a book of this genre after having read about it online, and had not known how popular it was going to be. I went to Chapters thinking it would be a hard-to-find item that they specialize in, and was delighted to see it was front and centre. I did not realize this until I was on my way out, so convinced I was that the novel in question would only be found by a computer search. By the doors, I found it accompanying ten other books in the same vein, but I had to restrict myself to a single purchase.
It had also become a New York Times best seller, according to the logo emblazoned on the cover. This I had not expected, but I was not surprised. After all, it was a classic, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, with an entrepreneur adding, “and Zombies,” to the title.
Truthfully, this is an accurate title for the work, as it is Jane Austen’s original work with references to zombies added in. This is usually a passing reference made every page or so, with words added like, “zombies,” “unmentionables,” “deadly,” “musket,” “dagger,” and “plague.” When speaking of the sisters in the work, it may mention how refined they are in culture, as they are in the deadly arts. And so it goes. If a character should have to travel for any length upon the open road, they will be set upon by zombies. This may break away to an action sequence, involving heads being split open and zombie faces being kicked in, etc. Perhaps they’ll be at the ball, and zombies will suddenly burst in through the windows and begin devouring the guests, and the girls will have to fend them off with skills they learned in the Orient. It’s basically Classic Lit. for people with short-attention spans. There’s illustrations to go along with these asides, showing the ladies with their swords in hand.
The rest is the work of Jane Austen. If you are unfamiliar with the work, it’s basically about a group of sisters trying desperately to get laid. The modern equivalent would be American Pie. Of course, these were gentler times, and to get laid one must first be married, and sex is never mentioned, but it’s there in the subtext. Jane Austen was a horny old bitch.