Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Unnecessary Precaution

It occurs to me that far too much of my life has been devoted to safety precaution. Much like children ducking and covering in the 50's onwards to keep from having their faces melted off by nuclear bombs, I've had to prep for ridiculous situations that will never happen. I think the worst was when a police officer came to school one day and showed us a video on what to do if our car became submerged in water with us trapped inside. I'm not sure what statistics they were using where it seemed necessary for kids to learn how to escape a sinking car, but I assume at this point in the 90's kids were literally drowning themselves inside cars all the time. It was a fad like getting high off of Whippets. So what do you do if your car goes in the water? You have to get out of the car as quickly as possible. Apparently, this isn't suppose to occur to you naturally, and you need to be told to do so by a uniformed police officer. The video explained several things of note, such as: if you're wearing your seatbelt, you should probably take it off before trying to leave the vehicle. If you were trying to leave through the passenger-side window, it was best to roll down the window beforehand. If you couldn't roll it down, you should try to break it open. How were you to break it open? With a special, handy-dandy tool designed specifically to break glass, which you kept in your glove compartment like Batman keeps shark repellant on the Batcopter. The video explains how common this item is, and how readily available it is. It does not explain where to procure such and amazing tool. One would assume that you could find this at a store, though what store would carry it, I don't know. It's been many years since seeing this video, and I have yet to find any physical evidence that it exists. The glass punch is as elusive as sasquatch to me.
I think someone tried to question the police officer on where they were supposed to get a glass punch, or why they would need it in any event, and their concerns were laughed off. They might have even been arrested.
Assume you didn't have a glass punch, however, and you needed to break through the glass windshield. You were supposed to be able to kick it out like you were some kind of bad-ass.
What if you couldn't? Well, you should have had a glass punch, sucker.
By this point, if you still couldn't get out of the car, you were probably screwed. You were supposed to go to the back of the car where there was an air pocket, which would last you about fifteen minutes, and hope that Aquaman saved you. So you had less than fifteen minutes of air, and you were presumably sinking. Even if you got that last breath of air, you still had to make it back to the surface. So you have about two minutes maximum to swim from the bottom of the lake to the surface before you drown, and you're probably a little concussed while you're doing this. So in other words: you die.
None of this information was very helpful, mind you. The only situation I think it would apply for is if you were ever on Fear Factor, and that's been cancelled.

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