Sunday, June 30, 2013

I Can Be Your Superman

The main thing I noticed in "Man of Steel," is the complete disregard for collateral damage. Every time there's a fight, it takes place in the most crowded area possible. For instance, a fight starts in the middle of a Kansas field, and quickly progresses to the Smallville downtown core so you can see all the product placements for Sears, 7-11 and IHOP. Of course you don't see it, but you'd have to assume the entire population died during a fight that involved trains being thrown and missiles being launched down Mainstreet. A bystander actually walks directly in front of Superman during the fight, because he has no clue where to go. Superman shouts at them to, "get inside," where it's presumably safe, then proceeds to level all the buildings.
It gets worse when Superman has his final fight in downtown New York/Metropolis. Half the city is already destroyed, but it was progressive so that fleeing victims could stay ahead of the destruction. The fight proceeds to knock down the remaining buildings at random.
At one point, the fight is taken to outer-space, where somehow, impossibly, they collide with a satellite, the mathematical odds are with are literally astronomical. They then ride that crashing satellite back to where the fight started. It's like watching Peter Griffin fight the Giant Chicken.
That's when I realized that the Superman movie was more ridiculous than any previous entries in the series. Remember when drunk Superman fought Clark Kent in a junk yard? That fight made more sense.
Superman also has less foresight or less respect for human life than the characters from "Dragon Ball Z." Whenever a fight broke out, Goku always made sure to take that fight to the middle of NOWHERE, where no one could get hurt. That's why the background of every Dragon Ball Z fight is barren hills. Superman is a worse superhero than a karate-fighting half-man/half-monkey alien with giant, spiky hair.
The new movie had very little levity compared to the other outings. There were only about four jokes in the whole movie. You can count them. Richard Pryor would be all over that shit.
For some reason, I expected that they were going to shoe-horn in Lex Luthor, but it never happened. All you ever see of him is an exploding truck with Lexcorp letters on it.There's a scene that mirrors an event in the Smallville TV series, but there's no certainty that Lex was involved.
The movie also illustrates the negative consequences of being "saved" by Superman. Superman saves a school bully during his childhood, and you see him go from being this awesome dude who uses phrases like, "Dickstain," to this sad ginger working at an IHOP. In another scene, he "saves" Lois, then just leaves her on a fucking glacier for dead.

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