Skyrim: Mo’ Dragonborn, Mo’ Problems

Prior to the Dragonborn vs. Dragonborn deathmatch build-up in the expansion pack, “Dragonborn,” for Skyrim, the player is asked to go around Soltheim and release mind controlled workers from their labours by shouting at a pillar. Like literally shouting at a pillar. Other games may ask you to push a button on a panel, or physically hit it, but this isn’t other games. Shouting at the inanimate pillar causes a localized earthquake and inexplicable yellow burst effects. Then a Lovecraftian beast called a Lurker emerges from a portal and starts attacking you with roots or tendrils, which shoot up from the ground when it stomps it’s feet.

Problem is, the half-dozen or so mind-slaves who were obliviously building a shrine around the pillar snap-to at that exact moment, and freak the fuck out. They run in and try to fight the Lurker with their bare fists. If you’re going to punch the Lurker, you’re going to have a bad time. This happens usually as you’re in mid-swing of your all-powerful magic sword. Some fucker will show up between you and the mini-Cthulu to try and box it.

If you’re lucky, you can kill the Lurker without majorly injuring everyone else. About 3/4 of your spells and such are AoE, so good luck with that. After getting through one Lurker battle, I noticed another commotion. A second Lurker had emerged from the water by the shore as I was fighting. As I’m level 64, fights don’t last that long. I have no fucking clue what happened, but I rushed the Lurker and struck it down. Then I noticed city guards were attacking me, so I sheathed my weapon, but they went on attacking. My Daemora Lord might have had something to do with that. He slaughtered one of the guards and I decided to finish off another. After that, things went back to normal. I tried looking around to figure out what went wrong, and saw an innocent bystander lying dead on the ground. I, of course, robbed them. It looked as though the damage could have been much worse if it wasn’t for the fact the other people involved were active quest givers, and therefore invincible. I shrugged, thinking there was nothing I could do, and went back to town.

That’s when the entire town tried to attack me. As one. Every guard in the city descended on me, showing no signs of mercy. My choices were to let them kill me or kill them all, rendering me forever outlawed. I had to reset, because I didn’t feel like that bullshit. There’s a reason Skyrim saves every five minutes or so.