Skyrim Afterlife

I realized that even though I haven’t officially beaten Skyrim after hundreds of hours of play, my character’s afterlife is in question. Firstly, he’s trapped as a werewolf, meaning he’ll be expected to join the Wild Hunt. He’s become the Listener for the Night Mother, meaning he’s expected to come back as a Spectral Assassin. He’s a Nightengale, and expected to become a part of the shadows themselves as a patron for thieves. This will spark an all out war between Gods that will likely rip the fabric of reality apart, which is sort of the opposite of what he wants to do. The main villain in the game is a dragon who can fly into the afterlife and eat ghosts, or some shit, and he’ll tell you as much to your fucking face if you try to fuck with him. A part of me imagines him killing my hero and then waiting and waiting and waiting in the wrong afterlife for him to show up so he can eat him. It’d be like that episode of Futurama where Fry’s dog waits for him until it becomes fossilized.

For a game that’s pretty much 90% script, the writing and logistical problems are pretty jarring. I know it’s a game about a guy (or girl, or lizard-man) fighting talking dragons by shouting magic words at them, but still. For instance I tried to get Ebsen to help me kill some dragons. He told me to fuck off until I kill the only dragon who’s not actively trying to kill me, and incidentally is more help to me than Ebsen himself. Ebsen is the co-leader of the Blades, an organization devoted to wiping out dragons, which is all I basically do, or exist for in the game. I’m essentially I’m their chosen one like Neo, and the only reason they should exist at all is to back me up while I do all the work. Yet, he tells me to my face (or rather the wall he was facing at the time), that he won’t lift a finger to help me until I kill the dragon that’s helping me, even though he knows better than anyone that if I fail in any of my quests, then the entire world is going to end. He says it’s part of his oath, which I’ve heard, and it contained nothing in regards to Bros before Dovun. So he’s hell-set and ready to die, and watch the whole world go down in flames, and he’s giving me ultimatums because he wants to serve out justice a few millennia after an alleged crime was committed, with nothing to collaborate the truth except a few dusty old books. He also won’t get up off his ass and do it himself. I’m the one who passed the trials of the Greybeards and went to the Throat of the World and learnt the secret about the dragon who lived there. Ebsen wouldn’t even know he existed if I hadn’t blabbed about it. Now: he won’t kill dragons with me unless I kill a dragon for him. He’s also useless, as my character is the only person in his entire universe that’s capable of permanently killing dragons, who can endlessly resurrect without using my special abilities. All he or anyone else in his group can do is wave their swords around and give a dragon a beating. The dragon dies, turns to a skeleton and comes back a few days later good as new. Do you know where I found this guy? In a sewer beneath a sewer, where the rejects of the rejects go. I even saved his miserable life in the process. Now, he has demands, an unreasonable ones at that. You know what, Ebsen? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU IN YOUR STUPID BEARDED FACE!