RANT!

My New Year’s Resolution was to flip more people off, and so far I haven’t been living up to that lofty goal, so here goes:

$50 Bills:

No one accepts $50 bills as legal tender, although it says so right on the bill. I’ve had the same fifty in my wallet for over a month. Every checkout counter I go to has the same sign posted saying they no longer accept $50s. I remember a time when $100 bills were verboten. To me, it made sense. You don’t pull out a $100 bill at a convenience store and not be met with some scepticism, but a $50? Allegedly, it’s due to counterfeits, but counterfeiting is a crime as old as money itself. People in olden days didn’t refuse legal tender when it was offered, but they still checked for fakes. Even a Victorian shoe shine boy would bite down on a gold coin to see if it was real. Are you saying today’s modern Subway sandwich “artist” is less skilled at checking for fakes? On the rare occasion you do find a shop that accepts a $50, the cashier will invariably handle your money like it holds some ancient secret of the universe. No section will go unchecked. It will be held up to the light, it will be held under the light. It will be stretched, it will be bent. It will be used to make origami. If they could taste it, they would.

Why are you stopping at $50s? Any amount of currency can be faked. I could have three fake $20 bills, and one real $50, but you’ll take the $20s? Way to go, genius.

What if a fake $50 bill slips through? What horrible things would happen? My parents once received a fake $20 from a bank. Yes, the bank distributed a fake $20. Which means, even the bank can make the mistake of accepting a counterfeits. The money itself has no real value to it: it’s just the idea of money. Which means, if you give a fake bill to a cashier, and they give that fake bill to the bank, and the bank give it back to you, nothing happens. No one loses money, because money isn’t a real thing. It’s only when someone notices that things go bad. Then the police come in, people are questioned and someone loses out.

Why even have denominations over $20 anymore if businesses are refusing to accept them as currency, which I believe may be illegal? They’ve been talking for years about getting rid of the penny, and how expensive it is. Why not $50 and $100 bills? It’s a sensible suggestion. Of course, it leads to greater numbers of bills being printed, and would likely prove more costly. So I suppose there’s no easy answer.

Assholes and Bitches:

One of general rules in my life is that a person of disreputable character should, by chance, piss me right the fuck off, I’ll likely see that person again, and again, and again. Obviously, this theory first formed in school, where whenever someone shoved me into a locker, called me a fag, etc., I’d be guaranteed to see the person again every period for twenty-four semesters, and perhaps college as well. Once I exited the educational system, I figured I’d be a free agent. No such luck. Co-workers will always be a problem for everyone, but I meet random people every day in various capacities, people too dumb to live, but endure regardless. They pop up two, three times a day. Let me explain that: some random dick-licker has pissed me off. Normally, that’d be okay, because I wouldn’t have to see that person again. A few hours pass, and I see them again. Then again. I don’t know these people. I don’t know their names. I don’t want to, but they’ve broken through the background scenery of my life.

On occasion, I’ve been pestered by customers at work. Numerous times. Every day. For years on end. I leave the job, move, etc., but for whatever reason, I meet that person again in an awkward social situation. “Oh, you’re my girlfriends school friend’s relative? Great party, huh?” Fuck you.

Aging:

As a child, I looked at the adults around me, and what they’ve been doing with their lives. Twenty years of this, fifty years of that. You know how it goes: people building mountains out of molehills, getting nowhere but getting on.

I’m an adult now, and I’m one of them. I’m at the point where I’m looking at fifty years of sweet fuck all, then old age and death, and it’s pissing me off. Day in, day out, punch in, punch out  kinda shit. Not looking forward to it.