Marvel Comics are pissing me off. A lot of it has to do with the “Siege” arch-saga, in which Norman Osborn (The Green Goblin) decides to take his Dark Avengers and the rest of H.A.M.M.E.R. and go up against the Norse Mythology. It’s previously been established that Norman respects Thor, and that H.A.M.M.E.R., his incarnation of S.H.I.E.L.D. is named after Thor’s weapon of choice. At some point, Norman lets Loki call the shots for him, and he uses the opportunity to frame Volstagg, an Asgardian, for the death of a few thousand sports spectators. This incites an immediate war with Asgard, while Volstagg, the man accused of the crime, walks free. There’s a comic, “Siege Embedded” Issue 1 showing Volstagg trying to hitchhike his way back to Asgard, while military vehicles pass him by: completely ignoring him. In a way, it’s the perfect metaphor for Osama Bin Laden. In another way, it’s completely unbelievable.
What really has me pissed of is the order in which these comics are being released. Norman wants to go to war with Asgard because it’s on American soil without his authority. Only, at this point in the Marvel chronology, Asgard has been moved to Latveria with Doctor Doom. It isn’t until the latest issue of “Thor” that it returns to America, long after the Siege story begins.
That’s not the only problem Marvel has with chronology. The one-shot issue of “Captain America: Who Will Wield the Shield?” features a story about Captain America reuniting with his old partner, Bucky, the current Captain America. Only, at this point when it’s release: CAPTAIN AMERICA IS DEAD. The last issue of “Captain American: Reborn” Issue 5, shows a Red Skull possessed Captain America about to take Bucky’s head off. Then, suddenly, he’s back in this one-shot with no explanation. You have to wait until Issue Six (of a five issue series), for Steve to return. The issue itself is a trainwreck, illustrating why Captain America was “cancelled” in the first place. A giant Red Skull robot attacks Captain America on the footsteps of the Lincoln Memorial while a horde of flying M.O.D.O.K. heads swarm the Avengers. The Red Skull’s daughter gets her face burned into an effigy of her father.
The entire Steve Rogers Captain America resurrection was rather ham-fisted. Firstly: there was no need for him to come back. Bucky was doing well as his replacement. I personally preferred him as he had more of a stake in his own story. Secondly: it was too soon. Thirdly: his rebirth went back on a lot of established facts during his death. There was no doubt he was dead. Some of the greatest authorities in the Marvel Universe on such matters confirmed he was dead. No one doubted it. Then began a mess about Steve being “lost in time,” after being shot in the gut with some form of chemical solution. He skipped through his life ala “Slaughterhouse-Five,” while existing in a state of living-death. The comparison between the two works is unmistakeable. This is exposed as being part of the Red Skull’s plan to take over Captain America’s body, which work for about five minutes.
Listen: Captain America was shot in the skull like J.F.K.. When you want to take over someone’s body by inhabiting their brain, your plan shouldn’t include shooting them in the skull.
Returning to the subject of “Siege,” there a few continuity errors as well. Siege #2 has yet to come out, but already in the comics “Wolverine” and “Avengers: Initiative,” we see Norman Osborn and Thor defeated in a rather off-handed manner. Siege is supposed to last until June, and it’s already over.
“Spider-Man: The Gauntlet,” is another example of rampant bullshit. The entire: “One More Day,” saga was established to give Spider-Man a fresh slate: meaning new enemies to face and new plot-lines. Now they’re returning to the same six villains he’s been fighting for nearly fifty years, non-stop.
“Fall of the Hulks,” is falling short as well. Of late, the Hulk titles have been stripped of the Hulk himself, and replaced with knock-offs like the Red Hulk and Son-of-the-Hulk. I’m okay with that to a certain extent, but there’s more continuity errors. In one issue of the saga, the Cosmic Hulk robot attacks Dr.Doom at Bruce Banner’s command. Then, in a following issue, it’s revealed that the Cosmic Hulk has never been in Dr.Banner’s command, but rather that of the Leader and M.O.D.O.K.. …WTF? I couldn’t even begin to follow that.
There’s also the matter of “Deadpool: Merc With a Mouth” to contend with. Marvel offered variant covers of Deadpool to any comic retailer who returned DC’s Darkest Night comics back to the publisher. Only: the comic sucked, as did the variant cover.
Would you give up an authentic Orange or Black Lantern replica ring for this? No, you wouldn’t.
“X-Men: Necrosha” and the recent “Incredible Hercules” comics are probably the only thing Marvel’s got that’s worth reading, and out of the two, Necrosha is just a rip-off of Darkest Night featuring some of the most forgettable X-Men characters returning to life. Big ups to Hercules, though. He has yet to disappoint.
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