Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Gameboys

I'm not talking about Nintendo Gameboys, I'm talking about people who are so solely focused on playing video games that everything else in their life if just a backdrop. I've been purusing through a number of gamer blogs lately. Kotaku.com is one of the better known of the non-incorporated orientated blogs, but then there's others in the same vein, like joystickdivision.com, which contain much of the same hand-me-down information through various newsfeeds. These are basically blogs written by individuals who aren't being handed assloads of cash by gaming companies partly because of their own business models, but mostly because they're not important enough to matter. Another similarity is: they're all written by the same guy. I don't mean this literally, but the narrative perspective of their Nacho-eating biased opinions is the same from one blog to the next. They're scornful of all gaming systems simultaneously even though they own them all and play them morning, noon and night in between and during frantic fits of masturbation. Their opinions of these systems? The Xbox 360 is a piece of junk, the Wii is a kid's toy, and the PS3 is too expensive. They revere the PC platform, even thought it's the most flawed of all. Throughout it all, their asexuality beams through in their obsession with photos of scantily clad female small "c" celebrities that'll they'll sometime post instead of their somewhat humorous pictures of lol cats, or T-shirt slogans.

I mention them mainly because I had to stand in line behind the same archtype character yesterday at EB. If you've even been to EB Games, you know who I'm talking about. The guy who actually pre-orders shit. Not just one or two big name games, but every fucking thing that comes out. His game collection rivals only his porn collection. He's unkempt, overweight, and on the wrong end of the pussy magnet polarity. He'll stand in line talking about his games to the cashier for fucking hours if he could.

The guy in front of me was picking up his pre-order of Little Big Planet and got some kinda hacky-sack bullshit he'll never use because of the physical activity involved in hacky-sack. I had just traded in some DS games to get Fable II. I just want to buy it, go home, and play it. In my underwear. It's my day off. This is what I do in my spare time when I can find some. I was curious, however, about a Special Edition, if there was one, etc., so when it's my turn at the till I ask these questions like a normal consumer who doesn't spend all fucking day trolling forums online at ign.com, and the guy immediately butts in and begins rambling on about how shitty the Limited Edition is, and how he didn't get his free dungeon pass, and whatever, and at that point I have no fucking clue what he's even talking about, because I'm still in the middle of asking what's in the Limited Edition. Not much, as it turns out. Some Halo-style armour and the false promise of expanded dungeons that weren't packaged properly with the product, plus some B.S. making of DVD I'll never watch. I'm trying to treat myself, however, so I buy it anyway. He almost throws up his hands in exasperation, as if to say, "WTF, dude?" I'm not even paying cash for this fucking thing, I'm using store credit, which I can't use anywhere else, so I might as well fucking go for the gold.

Apparently there was supposed to be a Limited Edition with a figure and some art cards, but it didn't get made in time, so when they repackaged it, they forgot to throw in the dungeon access cards. So there's these dungeons out there that no one can get into because of this. You have to e-mail away to Microsoft to get your code, but there's only a small time-period in which to do it, and they might not get back to you. Oh well, at least I can build Master Chief statues in my towns.

Plus the game's pretty glitchy. There' irrelevant messages that get stuck on the screen, even if you save and quit and come back later. Plus the fucking thing freeze like a mother-fucker, no matter what shape your Xbox is in. I'm not worried about that, since they're coming out with the option of ripping your games to you harddrive two weeks from now, which should make it run smoother, (in theory) but I'm getting fucking sick of these big name-games coming out like a turd. Spore and GTA IV, two other games I've bought in the last three months, both have similar kinds of glitches, no matter what you do. I also heard about the Guitar Hero World Tour Drum Set not working, and that's a major purchase for most people. It's like games have become S.U.V.s as of late. No matter how much you spend on them, they'll still burst into flames.

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