Friday, November 14, 2008

F-A-B-L-E-O-U-S

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"No, I'm sorry, Fergie, that's incorrect. The word was, 'Glamorous.' Which means Gwen Steffani is the winner of this year's Musical Spelling Bee! Here's all time record holder, Aretha Franklin to present the award!"

So I finished Fable II for the XBox 360. Not only did I beat it, I beat the shit out of it. I held it down and raped it like Indiana Jones. After finishing the main quest, I completed the few remaining side quests. All that's left is a few odds and ends like shooting loudmouth gargoyle statues and getting silver keys. I've pretty much completely maxed out my character, however, so continuing is really unnecessary. I even purchased Castle Fairfax, and had to debate whether or not to take the gender-bending formula found at the end of the dungeon.

I even beat the Limited Edition exclusive dungeon, which I had to receive via an e-mail code. Instructions on how to obtain the dungeon were very specific, yet unclear. I was to save my game with my character standing inside of a certain room in the game. Then I had to quit the game enter the code on XBOX LIVE. The code itself was written in that font where "V"'s and "Y"'s look identical. Then I had to finish the 160 MB download. Then I had to go back to my game and open a treasure chest. This was where the instructions ended. The location of the dungeon was still unknown, so I had to go online and look that up. Of course, all I found were complaints about the Limited Edition not coming with any of the proper extras, and even then they forgot to include the exclusive download code, forcing you to petition Lion's Head Games for something you already own, but they refuse to give you.

So I find the dungeon off the side of a dock. It's a quick thing, about five to ten minutes long, and at the end of it all you get it a pirate's sword that's weaker than some of the other Legendary swords in the game, but grants you a few special bonuses.

In summation, Fable II is a good game, but it only takes a few days to plow through it and unlock the Achievements. It's definitely Easy. I think I died all of once during a boss battle in the Spire.

Your antagonist in the game is a rich monarch who shoots you and your sister after a strange discovery. You never really learn the full logic behind this decision, but it seems based on you being able to thwart his plans. Up until that point, he's not a bad guy, but then the rest of the game is about you trying to get revenge. In the game, this takes you about twenty to forty years or so, to get revenge for a sister who isn't mentioned again until the game ends. Your parents were murdered too, apparently, but you don't care about them. You're taken in by a blind oracle, who's probably the sister from the first Fable game, who keeps pushing you on this long and convoluted path of revenge.

At any point in the game, your character could probably have gone up to Lucien, your enemy, and kill him. He's not like an evil wizard or anything, he's just an old man. You could push him over and he'd shatter to dust. You don't really need to go on a thousand quests and master ancient weapons and magical skills. The final battle with him takes all of one hit. Just one.

But here's what you have to go through to get to that point: you have to grown into a man, then find the three Heroes of Strength, Will and Skill, which takes an additional ten years. To find and rescue the Hero of Will, you have to become a guard on some crazy island. For ten years. Ten years to stage a breakout, and technically, he saves you instead of the other way around. Then you have to do a quest for the Hero of Skill which could potentially see you physically aged another forty years.

Lucien, like you, lost his family, only he's trying to get them back through forced labour and magic towers. Instead of using his magic tower to get your sister back, you have the choices of rescuing everyone who died making the tower, saving your own murdered family (meaning whatever hootchie mamma you married and your kid), or getting some cash money. I had four families, due to my bigamy in the game, so when I was told he'd murdered them, I was worried it was Lady Grey, whom I went to extraordinary lengths to resurrect from the dead and marry to become my Queen. Only now, she's missing. She not dead, or divorced, she's simply nowhere. My map tells me she's in Old Town, but she's not. Grr...

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