The world was recently treated to unsolicited -but very much desired- nude photos of some of the most attractive women on the planet thanks to one enterprising individual, or individuals. The FBI are currently looking for those involved, but it's unclear as to whether or not they're going to arrest them or give them a medal. It's like Christmas for your penis.
Meanwhile, various news outlets are trying to play the blame game using every possible angle about the violation of rights and privacy. No one's really stopped to consider that we've pretty much seen these women 99.99% nude. Kate Upton's claim to fame is being as close as one can be to a centerfold without technically getting nude. She's something of an oddity in this day and age where anyone can access porn at any given time. I've been confused as to why people are obsessing over one semi-clothed woman in a sea of bare tits and labias. Obviously, I see the appeal, (her tits) but it's kind of a retro-hipster obsession. hearkening back to a Baywatch era, or maybe even Mariyln Monroe. The difference is that Baywatch stars and starlets like Monroe still did porn. Kate's kept clean, despite showing her nips through a wet T-shirt and such. Going from a semi-transparent top to no top isn't that drastic of a change for anyone.
As for Jennifer Lawrence, she was Mystique. She was basically nude already except for some blue paint. There's very, very little left to the imagination.
So why all the excitement? It's like the Kardashian, or Hilton scandals in reverse. Does anyone still look at those two and think about the cocks they've seen them take? Of course they do, but not 100% of the time. Most of the time they're just laughing at how fucking stupid and annoying they are. Jimmy Fallon isn't going to suddenly blurt out, "I saw your tits!" when he's interviewing Jennifer Lawrence, or call her movie, "Mocking BJ." Give people some credit.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Bumtown
Are homeless people in tents still homeless? They're still technically living somewhere.
The homeless situation in Abbotsford is noteable for how audacious and long it's been going on. I remember getting on a plane to go to Calgary and reading about the homeless camp, and thinking, "Thank God I'm leaving," only to return a week later.That was eight fucking years ago. The camp moves around like a malignant tumour around the town, but it's always there in some form. Last I heard it was in Jubilee Park, which is like Abbotsford's Pigeon Park. I've literally seen a crackhead get beat up by a big black dude there, and I KNOW he was a crackhead because he dropped a bag of crack while it was going on. Still, there's a "Jam in Jubilee" festival going on in that park right now, which sounds like a good way to lure people into getting stabbed.
Where'd all the homeless people go? Homes? No, they moved back across from the Salvation Army in the really shitty part of town. It used to be the site of an old, abandonded supermarket and an old, abandonded building that looked like something out of Fallout 3. Those building have been replaced with shiny, new government office buildings, but the crackheads remains. There were at least seven tents along the road... and then another three or more down the way directly across from the Salvation Army. I guess those guys weren't cool enough to hang with the big crowd. It was the same spot the city recently spread chicken manure to get them to get the fuck out, then apologized for. I wasn't for using chicken manure, but still I thought that it wasn't really fair to the locals (most of whom have packed up and left their unsellable homes), that they were living there.
First thing you need to know is: They have a fucking teepee. I can respect that. My grandpa was raised in a teepee... then he got a job and built a fucking house. Teepees aren't even fucking from around this part of the country. Native used pit houses, wigwams and lodge halls. Fucking hipsters.
There was a couple crouched down inside the opening of one of the tents, with their asses hanging out, almost literally. People were acting all casual and conversation-like, as if theyr weren't living next to a road. The other camp down the road had people jaywalking in front of it, like it's fucking East Hastings. I've never understood that about homeless people. They have no jobs, nothing to do all day, but they still fucking jaywalk everywhere, and not the look-both-ways jaywalking either. They walk righ out in the middle of the road in front of traffic at any time, for any reason, assuming they have reasons. It's like the "chicken crossed the road joke," but with crackheads. In East Van, they had to lower the speed limit just because they couldn't fucking stop people from jaywalking. You can't ticket crackheads, because they don't have any fucking money. They just have your car stereo. So the laws are changed not to stop their bullshit, but to work around it. That's why Vancouver has safe injection sites right next to the places selling the crack. Anyway, I had to slow down and swerve to get around this guy crossing the fucking worst street in the world, just so I could get the fuck out of there.
The homeless situation in Abbotsford is noteable for how audacious and long it's been going on. I remember getting on a plane to go to Calgary and reading about the homeless camp, and thinking, "Thank God I'm leaving," only to return a week later.That was eight fucking years ago. The camp moves around like a malignant tumour around the town, but it's always there in some form. Last I heard it was in Jubilee Park, which is like Abbotsford's Pigeon Park. I've literally seen a crackhead get beat up by a big black dude there, and I KNOW he was a crackhead because he dropped a bag of crack while it was going on. Still, there's a "Jam in Jubilee" festival going on in that park right now, which sounds like a good way to lure people into getting stabbed.
Where'd all the homeless people go? Homes? No, they moved back across from the Salvation Army in the really shitty part of town. It used to be the site of an old, abandonded supermarket and an old, abandonded building that looked like something out of Fallout 3. Those building have been replaced with shiny, new government office buildings, but the crackheads remains. There were at least seven tents along the road... and then another three or more down the way directly across from the Salvation Army. I guess those guys weren't cool enough to hang with the big crowd. It was the same spot the city recently spread chicken manure to get them to get the fuck out, then apologized for. I wasn't for using chicken manure, but still I thought that it wasn't really fair to the locals (most of whom have packed up and left their unsellable homes), that they were living there.
First thing you need to know is: They have a fucking teepee. I can respect that. My grandpa was raised in a teepee... then he got a job and built a fucking house. Teepees aren't even fucking from around this part of the country. Native used pit houses, wigwams and lodge halls. Fucking hipsters.
There was a couple crouched down inside the opening of one of the tents, with their asses hanging out, almost literally. People were acting all casual and conversation-like, as if theyr weren't living next to a road. The other camp down the road had people jaywalking in front of it, like it's fucking East Hastings. I've never understood that about homeless people. They have no jobs, nothing to do all day, but they still fucking jaywalk everywhere, and not the look-both-ways jaywalking either. They walk righ out in the middle of the road in front of traffic at any time, for any reason, assuming they have reasons. It's like the "chicken crossed the road joke," but with crackheads. In East Van, they had to lower the speed limit just because they couldn't fucking stop people from jaywalking. You can't ticket crackheads, because they don't have any fucking money. They just have your car stereo. So the laws are changed not to stop their bullshit, but to work around it. That's why Vancouver has safe injection sites right next to the places selling the crack. Anyway, I had to slow down and swerve to get around this guy crossing the fucking worst street in the world, just so I could get the fuck out of there.
Friday, July 11, 2014
How To Train Your Dragon (In Your Pants) 2
"How To Train Your Dragon 2" (The Quest for Curly's Gold) seemed a little over-hyped when the ads claimed it was "more fun than Frozen." Fuck that shit. Never compare yourself to Frozen unless you're "Frozen 2: Ice-Ice Baby."
Still, it was a good movie. I only have one weird thing to point out about it though: In a movie about tollerance, one character is alluded to being gay without actually coming out.
Seriously, every part of this moive is about accepting others. The hero even goes so far as to doom his entire village and his father just so he can try and reason with the bad guy. After the first movie, all the Vikings have fully accepted dragons, their former mortal enemies into theri lives, and it's all for the better. The hero wants to keep that going and expand that message to other lands.
Then there's one scene where a character says to the hero, "That's why I never married. Well... that and one other reason." Meaning: he's gay. He's gay and he can't even come out to one of his closest and most trusted friends. He lives in a world where literal monsters are accepted, but he can't like other men. He's followed the hero all the way through this change, but he can't even reveal himself, because it's a kids movie.
The hero might even be gay. He has a very obvious love interest, but he's not as into her as she's into him. He brushes off most of her advances, as if they make him uncomfortable. It could be because he's too distracted, or it could be because he likes the D. Who knows?
Anyway, it's kind of telling when we live in a world where characters in a kid's cartoon can only be alluded to as gay, and not openly gay. Rights and understanding haven't come that far.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
REBOOT!
If you've read my blog in the past, you know I've talked a lot about Skyrim. Specifically, the glitches and fuck ups. Previously, I was playing solely on the 360, and was limited to that experience, but now I've expanded to my computer. In fact, I was able to transfer my save data to my computer and erase those bugs with new ones!
Using a transfer cable and the removable storage for my old, white 360, I was able to take those files over to my computer via USB and a program called, "Horizon," which frankly sucks. I was able to use the program properly the first time off the bat, but I didn't have the proper save file on that storage system. I had to transfer it from the cloud onto my black Elite 360 using the internal system, then transfer that into the removable storage system using the transfer cable. When I tried to transfer that back into my computer, none of the files would show. The only clue I had was that I had to run the program as and administrator, but I've never had to do that with a program before. I finally learnt how from a web tutorial, but that was only after viewing several others to figure out what step I was missing. Things went pretty smoothly from there. I had to extract the files using Horizon, and then saved them under my files saves for Skyrim on my computer. After that, I had to rename is with a ".ess" filename. When I booted up the game, the picture for the save data file was nothing but corrupted static, but it loaded perfectly.
From there, I could fix what I wanted, with a little tinkering. I wanted to resurrect my dead wife, Temba Wide-Arm, whom I killed in werewolf form because she frankly annoyed me and there's no such thing as divorce in Skyrim. I had to enter the appropriate command code. Surprisingly, when I set my command to move to her (moving her to me wasn't working), I found she was still located inside my house in Breezehome. Even though she wasn't physically there, she was still located right in front of the fire. There was nothing to click on to actually resurrect her, so I had to use a method where I locked in her name to the command, then entered "recycleactor" instead of the old, "resurrect" command. POOF! She's alive!
Only, we were no longer married. She acknowledged that I'd completed quests for her, but she didn't acknowledge me as her husband. So apparently there is a way to get divorced in Skyrim.
From there, I decided to use the same method to bring other dead NPCs back. I travelled to one of my homes where I had a dead thrall lying in the basement. I had previously used necromancy on the NPC, whom was killed in battle by the enemy, and kept them as my thrall, leaving them in my home for safe keeping afterwards. If you think that's creepy, it's better than leaving their dead bodies in the streets.
From there, I remembered an old Easter Egg I'd heard about called Wideadbodycleanupcell, which is literally a dead body clean up cell. It's accessible only by typing in "COC WIdeadbodycleanupcell," and it takes you to an unfinished-looking purple and green crypt made up of two joining halls that lead into oblivion. Jumping out through the unfinished halls into the blackness will only take you back to the room, and you have to type "COC" location to get back out. All the dead bodies that disappeared off the world map end up there, for some reason. They're naked and piled ontop of each other, with some missing heads. Their limp bodies materialize in the air and collapse when you first enter, so it looks like you walked into the world's worst orgy. One NPC was still on his feet, but didn't really articulate well.. He simply acknowledge me with a, "What do you need?" I couldn't recall who he was, but perhaps he was an old Companion.
My first attempt at mass resurection for the game backfired when I clicked on myself and typed, "recycleactor." That removed and eliminated some, but not all of my armour and weapons, and changed my helmet for some reason. I was now wearing a Dragonplate helmet, but no shirt or pants. I kept on going regardless.
The second person I resurrected was an old man, who proceeded to try to fight me. After 200+ hours of having played, I couldn't recall what I'd done to him, but obviously he was pissed off. I fought him bare-handed and drove him back to the door to the abyss before finishing him off with a cinematic.
From there, I resurrect a woman, who proceeded to walk at a bizarre angle out of the room. Before she left, I talked to her and she made some crack about being naked. That's when I decided it'd be a good idea to reload my save to get my armour back.
This second time around, I resurrected everyone in the first-person view so as not to target myself. I went through the pile of bodies typing, "resurrect," but some came back with errors complaining they weren't bleeding out, so I used, "recylceactor" on those. I did it all in one go, and when I finished, to no surprise, they all came back to life in full apparel wanting to kill each other and me as well. I booked it out of there. Hopefully they'll return to their homes on their own so I don't have to move them.
From there, I used a command to reset my marriage quest, since I was now an elligble bachelor. Strangely, I ran into Temba on the way back to Breezehome, and she was interested in marrying me again. Some people never learn. I almost went for it, but I think this time I'll play the market.
Using a transfer cable and the removable storage for my old, white 360, I was able to take those files over to my computer via USB and a program called, "Horizon," which frankly sucks. I was able to use the program properly the first time off the bat, but I didn't have the proper save file on that storage system. I had to transfer it from the cloud onto my black Elite 360 using the internal system, then transfer that into the removable storage system using the transfer cable. When I tried to transfer that back into my computer, none of the files would show. The only clue I had was that I had to run the program as and administrator, but I've never had to do that with a program before. I finally learnt how from a web tutorial, but that was only after viewing several others to figure out what step I was missing. Things went pretty smoothly from there. I had to extract the files using Horizon, and then saved them under my files saves for Skyrim on my computer. After that, I had to rename is with a ".ess" filename. When I booted up the game, the picture for the save data file was nothing but corrupted static, but it loaded perfectly.
From there, I could fix what I wanted, with a little tinkering. I wanted to resurrect my dead wife, Temba Wide-Arm, whom I killed in werewolf form because she frankly annoyed me and there's no such thing as divorce in Skyrim. I had to enter the appropriate command code. Surprisingly, when I set my command to move to her (moving her to me wasn't working), I found she was still located inside my house in Breezehome. Even though she wasn't physically there, she was still located right in front of the fire. There was nothing to click on to actually resurrect her, so I had to use a method where I locked in her name to the command, then entered "recycleactor" instead of the old, "resurrect" command. POOF! She's alive!
Only, we were no longer married. She acknowledged that I'd completed quests for her, but she didn't acknowledge me as her husband. So apparently there is a way to get divorced in Skyrim.
From there, I decided to use the same method to bring other dead NPCs back. I travelled to one of my homes where I had a dead thrall lying in the basement. I had previously used necromancy on the NPC, whom was killed in battle by the enemy, and kept them as my thrall, leaving them in my home for safe keeping afterwards. If you think that's creepy, it's better than leaving their dead bodies in the streets.
From there, I remembered an old Easter Egg I'd heard about called Wideadbodycleanupcell, which is literally a dead body clean up cell. It's accessible only by typing in "COC WIdeadbodycleanupcell," and it takes you to an unfinished-looking purple and green crypt made up of two joining halls that lead into oblivion. Jumping out through the unfinished halls into the blackness will only take you back to the room, and you have to type "COC" location to get back out. All the dead bodies that disappeared off the world map end up there, for some reason. They're naked and piled ontop of each other, with some missing heads. Their limp bodies materialize in the air and collapse when you first enter, so it looks like you walked into the world's worst orgy. One NPC was still on his feet, but didn't really articulate well.. He simply acknowledge me with a, "What do you need?" I couldn't recall who he was, but perhaps he was an old Companion.
My first attempt at mass resurection for the game backfired when I clicked on myself and typed, "recycleactor." That removed and eliminated some, but not all of my armour and weapons, and changed my helmet for some reason. I was now wearing a Dragonplate helmet, but no shirt or pants. I kept on going regardless.
The second person I resurrected was an old man, who proceeded to try to fight me. After 200+ hours of having played, I couldn't recall what I'd done to him, but obviously he was pissed off. I fought him bare-handed and drove him back to the door to the abyss before finishing him off with a cinematic.
From there, I resurrect a woman, who proceeded to walk at a bizarre angle out of the room. Before she left, I talked to her and she made some crack about being naked. That's when I decided it'd be a good idea to reload my save to get my armour back.
This second time around, I resurrected everyone in the first-person view so as not to target myself. I went through the pile of bodies typing, "resurrect," but some came back with errors complaining they weren't bleeding out, so I used, "recylceactor" on those. I did it all in one go, and when I finished, to no surprise, they all came back to life in full apparel wanting to kill each other and me as well. I booked it out of there. Hopefully they'll return to their homes on their own so I don't have to move them.
From there, I used a command to reset my marriage quest, since I was now an elligble bachelor. Strangely, I ran into Temba on the way back to Breezehome, and she was interested in marrying me again. Some people never learn. I almost went for it, but I think this time I'll play the market.
Monday, June 9, 2014
We Have to Move These Microwave Ovens
For some reason I've never cared to delve into, my wife always leaves the microwave door wide open, so the little bulb inside has burnt out. I'm not about to replace it, because why the fuck would I ever need to see inside the microwave? It's a small box. The food you put in there looks the same as the food you take out with the exception of popcorn.You're not fucking soufles bread in there. You're cooking pizza pockets. Besides, the door has that weird fucking screen on it to protect you from deadly microwaves. The only reason you'd ever need a light inside there is to see if your dinner blew the fuck up, and if it did, why would you need to see that, aside from the fact that it looks awesome? Are you magically going to go back in time and stop it from happening? It's already blown up. Let it go, America. If your food catches fire, you'll be alerted by the fact there is now black smoke coming out of your microwave when there was no black smoke before.You can write this observation down in your science journal as you work towards your degree, then get an extinguisher.
If you have a microwave with a spinning tray, you can watch as your plate of food rotates and perch your fingers together and say, "Good. Good. I can see it's spinning. I am well pleased."Otherwise, the most interesting thing to watch is the purple lightning you get when you fuck up and put something metal inside.
I think the only reason there's a window in there at all is because we're all fucking paranoid. We're afraid that some shit is going to go down if we can't see. You'll put in your pizza pocket, and when you open the door again it's asparagus. It'd break you.
What if you cooked something, and when you went back it was gone? You'd accuse your whole family, but they'd deny everything. You'd become angry and sullen towards them as you try to decipher who did it, but in time you'd have your doubts. You begin to wonder if you even put something in there at all, or if you did perhaps it was completely disintegrated. These thoughts would linger with you the rest of your life, gnawing away at you in the dark hours.
Or perhaps you put in a bowl of soup to be reheated, but when you close the door you hear scratching. Concerned, you open the door and see nothing but your soup. When you close the door again, the same sound persists, and now you hear a slight mewing like a kitten. Alarmed, you immediately open the door, but still there's only the soup. ARE YOU GOING MAD? You can hear it all the time now, whenever you're in your kitchen. You can't tell anyone because you're afraid of what they'll say. One day, you wake up in the middle of the night to make a snack, and you hear it again. You ignore it, but the sound grows louder and louder until it fills up your head. Then there's a whispering coming from inside. You tell yourself it's nothing, but you have to make sure. You open the door and it's your own head in there staring back at you! ALL BECAUSE THERE WASN'T A WINDOW IN THE MICROWAVE.
If you have a microwave with a spinning tray, you can watch as your plate of food rotates and perch your fingers together and say, "Good. Good. I can see it's spinning. I am well pleased."Otherwise, the most interesting thing to watch is the purple lightning you get when you fuck up and put something metal inside.
I think the only reason there's a window in there at all is because we're all fucking paranoid. We're afraid that some shit is going to go down if we can't see. You'll put in your pizza pocket, and when you open the door again it's asparagus. It'd break you.
What if you cooked something, and when you went back it was gone? You'd accuse your whole family, but they'd deny everything. You'd become angry and sullen towards them as you try to decipher who did it, but in time you'd have your doubts. You begin to wonder if you even put something in there at all, or if you did perhaps it was completely disintegrated. These thoughts would linger with you the rest of your life, gnawing away at you in the dark hours.
Or perhaps you put in a bowl of soup to be reheated, but when you close the door you hear scratching. Concerned, you open the door and see nothing but your soup. When you close the door again, the same sound persists, and now you hear a slight mewing like a kitten. Alarmed, you immediately open the door, but still there's only the soup. ARE YOU GOING MAD? You can hear it all the time now, whenever you're in your kitchen. You can't tell anyone because you're afraid of what they'll say. One day, you wake up in the middle of the night to make a snack, and you hear it again. You ignore it, but the sound grows louder and louder until it fills up your head. Then there's a whispering coming from inside. You tell yourself it's nothing, but you have to make sure. You open the door and it's your own head in there staring back at you! ALL BECAUSE THERE WASN'T A WINDOW IN THE MICROWAVE.
Tracy Morganed!
The tragedy surrounding the Tracy Morgan vehicle accident helps highlight something about celebrity. Tacy Morgan is a household name, but in terms of celebrity he's never starred in his own movie, or even had a lead role in a hit show. He's always been a supporting actor and comedian who was last in the news after making anti-gay comments and collapsing at a show. That's not saying anything against him, that's just how it is.
A man died and two others were critically injured in the same accident that Tracy looks as if he'll recover from. The only reason this is news as opposed to the countless other accidents that happen every day is because the one celebrity is involved. Imagine that, though, if you're the man who died. You've lived your whole life trying to build something for yourself, and in the end all you'll ever be remember for is the guy who died in the accident with Tracy Morgan. People will be talking about you, and someone will use your name, and the other person will say, "Who?" and then the first person will have to explain, "That guy who died in that accident with Tracy Morgan who died." Then they'll go on to talk about Tracy Morgan, because that's how fame works. It's terrifying, really. In a way, all you are to people is an image. That image can be overshadowed by anyone, but the bigger the shadow, the less you are. On the other hand, hundreds of thousands of people, if not millions learnt about this one man through the news story. They never had any idea he ever existed until the moment he was taken away, and the loss is made larger.
A man died and two others were critically injured in the same accident that Tracy looks as if he'll recover from. The only reason this is news as opposed to the countless other accidents that happen every day is because the one celebrity is involved. Imagine that, though, if you're the man who died. You've lived your whole life trying to build something for yourself, and in the end all you'll ever be remember for is the guy who died in the accident with Tracy Morgan. People will be talking about you, and someone will use your name, and the other person will say, "Who?" and then the first person will have to explain, "That guy who died in that accident with Tracy Morgan who died." Then they'll go on to talk about Tracy Morgan, because that's how fame works. It's terrifying, really. In a way, all you are to people is an image. That image can be overshadowed by anyone, but the bigger the shadow, the less you are. On the other hand, hundreds of thousands of people, if not millions learnt about this one man through the news story. They never had any idea he ever existed until the moment he was taken away, and the loss is made larger.
Friday, June 6, 2014
The Biggest Problem with the New X-Men Movie
Everyone is nit-picking the little details in the new X-men movie because of all the time-travel and cross-movie franchise going ons. No one has pointed out the biggest thing about Quicksilve. When Quicksilver (although he's never called that in the movie because of liscencing bullshit) has his big bullet-time scene, he stops to put on his headphone and listen to Pink Floyd on his walkman because he has shity taste and it's the 70's. Only, he's going so fast that it'd be impossible for him to hear even a single note by the time he's done, even if he has the tape going fast-forward.
Also, fucking walkmans hadn't been invented yet. The scene takes place in 1975, and the walkman is first released in 1979.
Also, fucking walkmans hadn't been invented yet. The scene takes place in 1975, and the walkman is first released in 1979.
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