Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A Newer Hope

Now that the cast for the next Star Wars installment has been announced, can I mention something about the first movie? On the Star Destroyer, the Empire is having a meeting. Everyone in the scene is inexplicably white and British despite being space aliens who lived a million years ago, and mutton chops are very much in style. They're gathered around a conference table, and the one dude decides he's going to call out Vader, the magic murder cyborg with the laser sword. Her'es how it goes down.
Motti: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe! I suggest we use it.
Vader: Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
Motti: Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader. [Vader walks toward Motti, then slowly raises his hand] Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fort- [grasps his throat as if he is being choked]
Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
First off, Motti works with Vader, and must have seen Vader force choke a dozen people by now over something as trivial as taking too long with his coffee order. He must know not to piss him off. He also has to know the Force is real. The Clone Wars where the last of the Jedi were killed off was only about seveteen years prior to this scene. It's not some, "ancient religion." It's a relgiion that controlled the galaxy by the time he was graduating from Space Douche Academy. Plus, he fucking works for the Emperor. Did he somehow think that Vader got less magic since the last time he saw him? Did the Force just suddenly vanish. Motti basically is displaying stupidity on a cosmic scale.

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