Out of Beta

Beta-versions of products tend to annoy me in general, and I believe I’m not alone in my feelings.

First: the key. If you don’t have a key, you’re nothing. You’re less than garbage. The way keys are distributed as well is long and aggravating. You either have to know someone with a key to spare, buy a separate product, or wait. If you wait long enough, you’ll forget the product even existed in the first place, or the product will go gold. The people likely to get a key are the most tenacious, and therefore the most rabid of fans. They’re already pre-determined to have a positive interest towards the product and will give out a more positive response as a result. The problem with this is the free publicity this generates is negated by disclosure clauses in the, “Click if you agree to these terms,” box they have to sign in order to play. You’re not allowed to talk about the beta, most of the time. It’s also expected that you report bugs and problems directly to administration. In short, you’re working for the company and being paid nothing.

The last two keys I waited for were for Google+ and pottermore. Both products are lack-lustre companions, but remained in beta for an excruciatingly long time. Once in, you wonder why you wanted to be there in the first place, much like a night club you had to wait for hours to get into and find the music, decor, and drink prices not to your taste. Plus, you find yourself mostly alone. The population is kept minimal, but you’re still expected to put your own input into the environment for no one in particular to enjoy because your friends aren’t there in the beta with you and no one is looking to make new friends.

I saw an ad on TV last night for familyguyonline.com, a facebook style game in a stand-alone system. It also required me to make an account, confirm it, then wait for a beta key. In short, I wasted my time applying for something I can’t use. The game looked to be predominantly about micro-payments and in-game advertising, like the new Choco-Taco from Klondike, which sound delicious, but that’s not the point. It’s fitting, though, because I doubt I’d find this American-made ice cream confection in my Canadian stores anytime soon.

Half the time, lately, you don’t even know you’re in the beta until you see the little stamp next to the title, like Angry Birds on facebook. It’s a fully functional game that’s a port of an existing game, so what exactly are they beta-testing? Beta’s become an all-encompassing legaleese term designed to protect companies from their own shoddy products, even if they work flawlessly.

Minecraft is another offender. It was in beta for years. You could even pay to buy the beta-product, or rather there were two-tiers, one being a paid “alpha” with a little more functionality and the other being a full-functional “beta.”

Then there’s the beta-as-a-demo, like the Battlefield 3 multiplayer. They released a sketchy version of one of their maps and called it a beta.

Technically, any game that arrives with a day-one downloadable update is a beta, like Mass Effect 3, and others. That means a product you buy in the store and place in your system, and are then prompted to update online isn’t a fully-functioning alpha.

I’m finding beta versions detract from the alphas, especially with any online multiplayer. There’s always some game where other players have played for months before the game is even released. You can pick up your advanced copy on-hold, pop it in, and find out you’re a total newb. Then you, and everyone like you has to compete with players who have all the experience and drive to defeat you at every corner. They can snipe you from spots that would take you weeks to find for yourself. They can use every exploit they either didn’t report or was never repaired. They can magically phase through supposedly solid rock to kill you from behind and tea-bag you. The only way to beat them in their game is to have played the beta yourself, which is impossible at that point.