Movies and Music are Pissing me off.

Music:

Eminem:

You’re pissing me off. You’re still going on about being a good father to your daughter. It’s been like ten years. Your daughter’s probably old enough to be in college and hanging out with the Kardashians. You’re going to be a grandfather soon. Deal with change.

This whole album of yours, “Recovery.” What the hell are you recovering from? Sleeping pills? That’s a wussy thing to be addicted to. Go talk to rock stars like Scott Weiland and ask him about addiction. They’re more addiction than man, and they put out better albums because of it. This whole album is like a sleeping pill, because it’s putting me to sleep.

Also, your lyrics haven’t gotten any better. Here’s a sample from, “Love the Way You Lie”:

Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

NO. That’s not why they call it, “window pane.”

Also: Rhianna isn’t Dido.

Go retire again, and dye your hair blond.

Britney Spears:

While we’re on the subject of terrible, misguided lyrics, nobody wants to, “F-U-C-K,” you. Go do a duet with Eminem and trade pills.

Aerosmith:

“Deuces Are Wild,” is the worst song ever written by man, assuming Steven Tyler is a man. Here’s a sample:

slammed the door so hard I fell out of bed, screamin’ momma’s little baby loves shortnin’ bread.

No one has ever screamed that out of surprise, or pain. It’s not something that gets screamed.

The song also contains numerous references to fecalphilia:

I love to look into your big brown eye

‘Cause deuces are wild

Not to mention pedophilia:

I’ve been lovin’ you since you were a child

Go trade some pills with Britney and Eminem.

Movies:

Chris Brown:

He beats the living shit out of Rhianna and now he gets to make a movie? Because why? How does that work? He’s not even an actor. Like there wasn’t enough black actors out there, or rappers who could take the job (assumingly because they were all cast in “Lottery Ticket”)? Why is he being rewarded like this? No one even bought his last album. Fuck you. Now go beat the shit out of Steven Tyler, Eminem, and Britney.

Movie Theatres:

I’ve just realized how awesome it would be if they served alcohol at movies. Why don’t they? They do it at concerts, sporting events, and everywhere else. Why not the movies? What’s the worst that could happen? Someone smashes a bottle over the back of someone’s head for talking during the movie. THAT SHOULD HAPPEN. Or maybe someone throws up in the aisles. The floor’s already sticky.

Harry Potter:

Every Harry Potter movie begins with him being horribly abused by his family. All his friends and teachers knows this shit is going on, and they don’t do a fucking thing. So basically, after each movie ends, there’s a a scene like this:

“Thank you, Harry Potter, for saving the school. Now off to your overweight uncle who will whip you and lock you in a closet over your summer vacation.”

LiveJournal Tags: movies,music