The Tomorrow Show

So Late Night TV is in it’s death throes, and you, the viewer, are to blame! Or perhaps it’s the weak monologues. Honestly, I think it’s because David Letterman likes to put his weirdly shaped penis into anything and Jay Leno refuses to retire/die. The news that Jay Leno would be leaving the Tonight Show created hopes for a new late night dynamic that would reach out to younger audiences, only he decided to move his show, lock stock and barrel to a time slot that was an hour and a half earlier. Conan, meanwhile, struggled to modify his program for an older audience of people who go to bed at 12:35. Fallon made the sad mistake of being Jimmy Fallon. Assumingly, there’s a program that follows Fallon on NBC’s schedule, but it remains unseen and unknown. Basically, NBC has three hours of talk shows. Three programs that are indistinguishable from each other aside from the host’s individual disfigured visages. What the hell did they think they were going to fill this time with? The three talk shows all have the same daily source material for jokes, creating repetition. There’s only so many movies coming out in one given week, leaving fewer celebrity guests. It’s a formula for failure. You know how it goes: the earliest show gets the best guest because there’s more people awake and watching. By the time the second guest of the first show arrives, married couples start humping. By the time the musical guest comes out, they’re asleep. That leaves two whole hours in which no one is watching. Through this hand-me-down effect, Fallon’s interviewing the guy who made his sandwich that afternoon.

Face it: Late Night TV just can’t deliver. The creme-de-la-creme of A-List celebrities either refuse to do talk shows or else tour once or twice a year. There’s only so much going on in a day to make fun of in your monologue. The only time there’s good material is when there’s a scandal, or else an election. The skits are under-rehearsed because you’re doing a show a day, and the best comedy flows organically. The hosts and staff work five days a week, and they can’t afford to take sick days, or extended vacations because it affects the whole show.

So it’s no wonder that Conan didn’t make a big impact when he traded up. The last year in particular has been a depressing one with all the doubts about the economy. Plus everyone knew Leno was coming back. Leno’s audience followed and waited for him. Plus Leno refused to bring anything fresh to his show, so he bored the audience. Even if there were laughs, his crowd had to wait through the local News before hitting Conan. That effects the chuckles. Fallon didn’t even factor in.

It’s kind of sad, because Conan was so awkward and interesting when he first appeared all those years ago. He was the black horse. People were all wrapped up in the Leno/Letterman feud that no one counted him, so there was a lot he was able to do under the radar. Now he’s being forced out.

If Leno had some sense, he’d quit. There’s a reason he “retired” in the first place, and the lure of an earlier show was the only thing that brought him back. So why would he stay on after they put his show back to where it was? Nothing’s changed at that point. Conan’s the only one with balls and common sense by saying he’ll back out entirely. He’s got millions of dollar, and mansion and a family. He can afford to take time off. Leno’s afraid of downtime, though. He even tours on weekends. Why? Because when he’s left alone at home with his cars, he realizes how empty his childless lie of life is.