I went into Toys ‘R’ Us today and saw this:
This is Perceptor, the nerdiest Transformers of the 80’s. In a elite robot fighting force made up of flashy sports cars, boom boxes, and dinosaurs, Perceptor transforms into a microscope/telescope (*NOTE: Toy does not actually magnify.*) This comes in “useful” when the Autobots need to look at something under a microscope and don’t have immediate access to one aboard their futuristic intergalactic spaceship. Of course, being robots, they have robotic eyes, and could try looking at the object of their scrutiny without accessories as an alternative. It’s a good thing too, because I’m pretty sure that long shaft you have to look down is his robo-cock. As a telescope, he’s able to detect the Decepticons as they buzz overhead in their golden spaceship shooting lasers, before he turns tail and runs. Unfortunately for Perceptor, very little in the Transformers Universe is subtle enough to require his particular brands of skills. For instance, in Transformers: The Movie (not the Michael Bay live-action version) Perceptor uses his microscope to run a medical scan on Optimus Prime, and comes up with a sad diagnosis. “Really Perceptor, Optimus is going to die? I couldn’t tell by that HUGE GAPING HOLE IN HIS CHEST.” Honestly, Perceptor, if you want to see how deep it is, stick a finger in. His methods as a doctor are suspect, much like Dr.House.
None of that matters, though, since Perceptor is still a cool figure. He has three different modes, and he’s been re-released in original die-cast style. I picked him up, but there was no price tag on the shelf, because it’s a retail outlet. So I went over to the scanner, thinking maybe I’d get him if he was under the $29.99 range that most of the deluxe Transformers hover around. No such luck, this bad boy will set you back $49.99 CND. Fiddy dollars! For THIS!
Notice how the second transformation looks NOTHING like a telescope, but this is what you’re told to believe.
You have to realize, as a figure, he’s not much bigger than your hand. That means he’s no bigger than the new Michael Bay Transformers figures in blister packs for $10-$15 a pop. So what makes him so special? Is it because he’s a re-release? Is it because of the die-cast metal? Is it the snazzy packaging? Is it because he’s Toys ‘R’ Us exclusive?
You want to know what’s “worth” that much? This:
Soundwave. He’s another 25th Anniversary re-release that’s around the same price point at $68 on amazon.com right now. You know what the difference between him and Perceptor are though? Aside from being totally bad-ass, Soundwave turns into a boom box that spits out tapes that transform into animals. That excuses the bullshit pricing, so your geek-friends aren’t going to punch you for buying him. Some might even try to rub their dicks on it.
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