Role Reversal

Do you remember how only a few, short years ago commercials for Axe and Tag body spray would all but guarantee you’d get laid like a billion times?

Literally:

That’s a lot of sex to be having. I don’t think my fragile imagination, let alone my body could handle that kind of tang. No man could. This product is dangerous and should be banned.

Then things got gay. Advertisers realized that the person most likely to buy a scented product designed for men are their sexually repressed and long-suffering women. That introduced the beefcake commercial:

Look at that video again: Not one tit jiggling around. A heterosexual male isn’t going to watch that an run out to buy Old Spice. Old Spice used to be that shit your Grandpa would slap on his face before between shots of rye. Now it’s associated with men who spend too much time doing crunches and not enough time slapping their wives.

Now advertisers have given up on men and their reeking pits altogether. Over the Christmas holidays there was an absolute barrage of commercials for women’s perfume.

Virtually every commercial like this is the same: women fucking random strangers, but on a train or in a ballroom so you know it’s classy. How is that any different than the male “sexist” commercial of yesteryear? The message is the same: spray this piss on yourself and good times will happen to your genitals.

Worse still, when I tried to research this article, I stumbled across page after page on youtube of frumpy, unattractive and probably unemployed women reviewing perfumes. Some only had like 57 hits, which makes me wondered why they bothered, while others had over 100,000 views. Furthermore, it’s women reviewing the same product. There are dozens, and dozens, and dozens of different women making videos about the same thing they picked up by happenstance at Wal-Mart. Is this some kind of underground marketing ploy, or is this really happening by itself? Are they watching each other’s videos and saying, “I don’t think they touched on all the different points of that one perfume in their 2:36 minute video. I’m going to make my own.” How do you even review a perfume, except to say it smells like lavender, celebrity-tie in and commercial greed? Wine reviews are usually only three paragraphs long, and they have the extra sense of taste to deal with. Why are these women so obsessed with cosmetics and perfumes when they obviously can’t attract a man with either? Watching their reviews is like taking dietary advice from Dr.Phil.