See this shit? This is Adrian Brody covered in twelve or so Predator laser scope beams, about to be taken the fuck out. How’s he going to get out of this sticky situation? Maybe he’ll deflect their shots with his huge schnozolla. Who the fuck knows, because it sure as shit wasn’t in the movie.
This scene had been altered for the trailers. It’s not in the movie, and it isn’t going to be in the DVD Special Edition bonus features either. There’s only one beam on him, on his forehead. For some reason, once he realizes someone’s gunning for his head, he stops still, like a deer in the headlights. That kind of shit makes it really easy for someone to take your head off. The proper thing to do once you notice someone’s laser scope is on you? Ducking. He plays a mercenary big-shot know-it-all for the whole movie, but fails this one test.
You want to know the total number of Predators in Predators? Four.
That’s not a lot of Predators. Alien vs. Predator had more Predators, and interspecies love. Remember in Aliens how many Aliens there were? A lot, and it was awesome.
Somehow, someone got to editing this trailer, and realized how much more awesome it would be if there were more Predators. More is better. They could have then gone back to the movie and edited in some more Predators, thereby making it more awesome. They didn’t. The audience is left with just four stinking Predators. Anyone can fight off four Predators. Danny Glover even managed to kill one.
The deception behind the whole movie is that they’re on Predator Planet. They’re not. It’s a game reserve planet. Predators just go there for vacation. There’s some other aliens in the movie, but there’s nothing special about them. They’re just there to get blown apart.
For a race of super-strong aliens who have devoted all of their culture to the sport of hunting, they sure do suck at it. There’s literally no excuse for any Predator to ever be taken down by the likes of Arnie. They can turn invisible; they can see heat signatures; they have plasma cannons moulded to their shoulder pads; they have interstellar space ships; and they have those spinning Xena: Warrior Princess discs. Even without all that technology, they’re still eight-feet tall.
The movie also eludes to the fact that the Predators are carefully monitoring everything that goes on in Earth. Just like Santa Claus: they know when you’ve been bad or good. They know what you’re doing and where at any given time. They can swoop in, catch you, and drop you off in an alien world in a flash. Still: they can’t stop Adrian Brody: the least likely action hero ever filmed.
No wonder it’s been like 20 years since their last movie.
